Learning from Job

God doesn't have to explain why He allows trails and sufferings in our lives.  In fact, He may never explain, never reveal, and never justify the struggles He allows in our lives.  He doesn't even have to ask permission to use both good and bad to shape and form us (anymore than He has to justify why both sun and rain are needed to grow life on earth).  These are hard facts for me to swallow.  I am blessed beyond anything I deserve in that I have Christ with me in all my sufferings.  I am blessed beyond so many who have no hope and are in despair because they have not His promise that Christ will not leave or forsake them amidst their darkest valleys of life.  Yet somehow I still kick and scream, cry and wail when trouble comes my way.  I still do not naturally sing "all of my life, in every season, You are still God and I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship" or as ginny owens sang "if all of these trials, bring me closer to you- then I will go through the fire if you want me to."  In some ways it can make troubles seem harder when, as a believer, I know that God loves me and yet has still allowed these trials to come.  But again, I am still just supposed to trust, let go of my fears and doubts, and hold on to Him.  I'm to crawl if I must, nose to the dust, just to reach and hold onto the hem of His robe, cling to Him with and for my very life.  Tell me this gets easier as trials come again and again? How many trials will it take for me to learn to trust Him?

An image of our recent hike comes to mind.  Jason was climbing down the mountainside- holding onto the chains, clinging to the rocks, and I was practically in tears worrying about him losing his footing and going crashing to the ground with Silas strapped to his chest.  But there was Silas, snug, warm, sleeping next to Jason's chest, unaware of all that was going on around him.  My Father's feet are sure.  They will not slip.  He does not make mistakes, He does not tumble, He has no regrets.  He sees and knows every crack and crevasse and I am to just lie asleep next to His chest.  I am to allow what comes, sing and praise Him in all the struggles, and know that God is God.  His reasons are beyond my understanding.  His knowledge is too much for me to bear.  I do not need to know why or how long, or what for.  I need only to trust that He is enough for me today.

Lord help me.  This trial is much, much more than I can bear alone.  As Job said in 6:11 “But I don’t have the strength to endure.  I have nothing to live for.  Do I have strength of a stone?  Is my body made of bronze?  No, I am utterly helpless, without any chance of success.”  

I have what Job did not- Christ in me, the hope of glory.  He is my only chance of success through the fires of this life.

So I surrendor to You.  I surrendor my life.  I surrendor all.  Not that you need my permission, but I give it to You God.  Do what you will, have Your way, use this trial or any other suffering.  Just bring me closer to You, make me more like You.

Do they sleep?

I've determined that I'm going to learn something from this trial of sleeplessness. I don't want all this struggle to be wasted on me. It's brought a lot of thoughts to my mind too about who else might be sleepless.

I'm awake again tonight, lost in the world of sleeplessness and I wonder-
Do they sleep?
those who are terrified by war and surrounded by death?
Do they sleep?
those who are abused, victimized, awaiting their oppressor's return?
Do they sleep?
those who are lonely in a prison cell, never to have justice?
Do they sleep?
whose homes are devastated by disaster, whose infants are dying in their arms?
Do they sleep?
whose eyes are tired from crying, whose losses are overwhelming and endless...?

Did he sleep?
he who knew the sins of the world were to be upon his shoulders?
Did he sleep?
he who was alone and facing death, beaten and abandoned by the ones he came to save?
Did he sleep?
knowing that he was the only one who could bring mercy and justice to the earth
Did he sleep?
the night before he was betrayed into the hands of sinners, before the greatest act of God was to be accomplished through the loss of his own life?

I lie awake at night and am comforted
Not by the gravity of others' trials compared to mine, nor by the reality that was Christ's horrible death but because I know...

He does not sleep
He who keeps the world in His hands, who sees every suffering child, alone, cold, and homeless
He does not sleep
He who knows every oppressor, every unborn nameless child, and every hurting soul
He does not sleep
and He is enough to comfort me in every trial, even as I too lie awake at night, wishing for the peace of sleep

He is sleepless with me
and I am not alone


I hope I can work on prayer and intercession for all the other sleepless bodies in the world... the nights must be that much longer and lonelier for those whose worlds are literally shattering around them.