I have my 20 week ultrasound coming up in two short weeks. I couldn't be more eager to find out if it's a little miss or little mister currently residing in my belly.
I don't, in fact, understand how people can wait and be surprised. I need to mentally prepare. Not that the gender tells you anything, I suppose. Silas loves baking and he is no less a boy than the average and I, myself was more or less a tomboy. Somehow, though, I just want to know.
But until I know, here's a few thoughts for him or her:
Little Mister:
I think it's time I take some wise mom's advice (she had 6 boys), and get ripped. I'm not kidding. With the addition of your strong little arms I want to be strong enough for you: to pick you up when you've fallen off your bike, to manhandle you off the couch when the wrestling is over, and despite my short stature, for you to know safety within strong boundaries. Not that I'm hoping you're a fighter, but the reality is that you have two bigger brothers: get your helmet on. I hope that I can teach you about how to be strong, courageous, and take a stand, but to lean first towards kindness and compassion. I want to teach you that life is an adventure and the world is yours to explore, but you don't have to trample over others to do it. I want to be your biggest cheerleader but not just sit on the sidelines and watch, I want to be adventuring with you. But I also want to teach you that you don't have to be afraid to be still and calm and that emotions don't need to be scary or feminine- I want you to feel safe to express yourself.
I hope and pray that you bring your brothers together in a way that I can't: that there will be a camaraderie and companionship between you boys that is built on respect, admiration and love (not competitiveness). I hope and pray you bring much joy and laughter to our home, and a new perspective that teaches the rest of us. You are loved, you are welcomed, this home has room for one more boy and I didn't want a girl more than you- I just wanted YOU.
Little Miss:
I can't quite imagine you and I'm mostly afraid of you. So far my Mommy skills include: learning to wrestle, run, throw and kick, tackle and tumble. I don't know as much how to be gentle, soft, and tender. I don't often have to flesh out feelings or consider the innuendos and nuances of my facial expressions. But I will learn. I hope that I can be a safe place to run with your emotions and fears, dreams and disappointments- or at least, that I can point you to the One who knows you even better than I ever will. I want to be able to teach you that being a woman is a marvelous and precious thing. We can be strong and graceful, beautiful and mysterious, rough and tumble and caring. I want you to, most of all, be confident in our love for you, your uniqueness and divine purpose, and in your place in this family. I hope and pray you never doubt your worthiness of God's love and no matter what anyone in this world tells you or what you think the mirror tells you: you are beautiful and worth knowing.
I pray that you will bring peace in a new way to our home. A new calm, a new balance. I hope you never feel left out from your brothers- but that they will treasure and protect you as much as you respect and admire them. I can't wait to be best friends one day and Lord willing, chat about all the little things in life and all the big things too. I plan on learning a lot from you, little lady. How to be more carefree, how to be more cheerful, how to enjoy life more, how to do hair (?) and delight in womanly things. You are lovely and you are welcome here in our home of boys: a beauty and a light already.
For both:
I can't promise you I'll be more patient or wiser with you than when I first set out on this journey as a parent, but I can promise you that I won't give up. I will fall down on my knees often, out of fear, desperation and sheer dependence on our only hope (Christ himself), but with His help, I'll get back up. And I will continue to choose to be your Mom even when I am overwhelmed, run-down, and afraid. With Christ, all things are possible and even though I don't know how to be your Mom, I trust He'll show me.
p.s. I love you and can't wait to know you
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