6 weeks into motherhood

I should blog more. So much has changed over this past month (obviously) that I don't even know where to begin. I figure I'll just start from today.

It's strange how routine my life has become in some ways. Every day I open the blinds, make the bed, breastfeed, play with Silas, help him get to sleep....take a shower, do some devos, do some laundry and dishes, breastfeed, play with Silas, help him get to sleep....maybe do some e-mailing, maybe take a walk with him in the stroller while he's sleeping...breastfeed, play with Silas, help him get to sleep...maybe start dinner and then kiss Jason as he comes in the door and hand him his son. Watch some olympics, breastfeed, play with Silas, help him get to sleep....and eventually end the day at an early 8 pm after closing the blinds and turning down the covers.

But then, days aren't routine because I'm learning new things every day- such as if I sing to Silas, he'll smile at me, or if I put him on his tummy for naps, he naps better. Or if I rock him just so, in the dark laundry room while things are in the dryer, he'll get to sleep faster. I'm learning that I love him so much more each day than the day before and I can't seem to get enough kisses on him. Or I learn again just how incredible my husband is to help me with Silas in the night, let me go to bible study once a week, massage me to help me get to sleep...

So each day is the same, and different, at the same time.

I've also never been more thankful. Thankful that I have a healthy, growing son. Thankful that I can clothe him and feed him, and that I even have him to begin with. Thankful for family who have been so understanding and helpful along the way. Thankful that even though I'm having issues with insomnia- that my insomnia is not caused by living in a war zone or in the wake of an earthquake where I have no shelter or bed to sleep in.

This journey into motherhood has been a WHIRLWIND. I think the first three weeks especially were super hard. Never have I been so needed and depleted at the same time. I've never before had to live one day at a time like this. If I have a bad day where I'm tired and my son is screaming and crying and I don't know what's wrong, I know that I'll also have good days where I'm rested, my son is content and understandable, and where I might even get to spend time visiting with friends or getting to go to shopping (WHO KNEW IT COULD BE SO MUCH FUN to get out of the house!)

Just blabbing thoughts.

I need to blog more.