weary traveler

A lot has happened over the last number of weeks but the one thing that always seems to stand out, is whether or not I'm sleeping.  I know, I know, everyone's sick to death about hearing about my woes, and so am I.  No one likes hearing about suffering without the silver lining.  But how does someone, like myself, isolated in this world of sleeplessness, suffer alone?  Aren't we all struggling with something? Am I the only one?  I am realizing one thing for sure about myself: I LIKE looking put together.  In fact, I approach house cleaning in the same way I approach myself.  Anytime someone is coming over I get struck with this fear that I will be 'found out.'  What if they discover that I am secretly a closet slob who puts up the facade of cleanliness?  I sweep, I dust, I straighten drawers, rearrange fridges when I know that guests are coming.  I want to look put together.  I want to look like a young mom who has her hair done, coffee in hand, perfectly kept child and home....but here's the big new: I'M A MESS.  That's the honest truth.  I don't know what's going on with Silas most of the time- I guess.  My home is not orderly.  My hair is not well kept, my make-up is left undone.  I am a mess and I am a desperate believer, crying out to God for help to get through each day.  I am anxious, I cry a lot, and I pray and that this suffering will pass.   So there you have it.  That's my life.  That's how I am dealing with trials. I have a wonderful son, husband, and family, and am well provided for- so I probably shouldn't complain.  But I hope that soon, and VERY soon, I can learn whatever lesson it is God has for me in this season of desperation so that I don't have to walk this road again (or at least, not for awhile)  p.s.  is anyone else in the midst of a suffering?  If so- know that I'm someone you can talk to (cause I'm in it too).  Lord have mercy on us!