Lately

So I'm basically freaking out about the fact that in one week I am back to work.  By freaking out I mean:

trying to do some Christmas advent prep
cleaning the house from top to bottom (hopefully?)
making a meal rotation plan
shopping, stocking up, organizing
studying (or actually, blogging even though I should be studying)

Ah.

It just dawned on me though, why am I freaking out? Going back to work means I'll be working into the night, be on my feet for 12 hours, get germs all over me, not know what I'm doing, constantly be multi-tasking, at peoples' beck and call...

Wait!  Stop!  That has been my stay-at-home-mom job description for the last year.  Phew.  No need to panic.

Except I'll be paid.  And have a coffee break.  And no one will be watching me when I pee. (Score!)

I'm actually dreading it more than I am letting on.   The very notion of carving out a new normal, weaning my baby boy, and being gone for much of December brings me almost to tears.  But then I breathe and remember that life will go on and that I AM excited about adding teaching to my 'back to work' jobs.  BCIT hear I come!

But besides crying, freaking-out and planning, I've been trying to distract myself from the inevitable return to work by...

[1] Attending our amazing women's Christmas brunch book swap.  Pinterest inspired decor, amazing speaker and song-writer Carolyn Arends, two new books to take home [Poisonwood Bible & the Guernsey...], incredible brunch food and a great entry into the Christmas season.  Way to go NLCC!

[2] Decorating for Christmas.  I love re-purposing old decor in new ways.  I have to say that I still adore the colour combo of gold and burgundy.  I'm not so much into the modern addition of purples, blues and silvers.  Not my style.

my mantle:

(p.s. the 'sign' is pinned to the back of our usual picture on the mantle. Maybe tacky, maybe brilliant)

Oh, and with the kitchen renovating yucks behind, I'm super happy with an open shelving concept now because I can jazz it up seasonally.  So fun.

[3] Taking-in extra kids.  But I mean, how cute are they?

(future daughters-in-law on board!)

[4] Baking

Dairy consumption is getting so close I can almost taste it on my lips (and feel it on my thighs).  I have been dairy-free for almost a year because of Toby's allergy.  I'm actually getting so used to it I was thinking of continuing to abstain...but then I saw this and this on pinterest.  What better season to re-introduce dairy into my diet? Good-bye self control.  

But this is still dairy free baking.  As you can see, Silas has a sweet tooth like mine:

[5] Re-doing my blog

Notice any changes?  Why has it never occurred to me that my husband works in I.T. and can do fancy things with a computer and websites (and therefore ask him to help me fix my blog?)  Or maybe it was my secret plan all along...woo him with baking and then sabotage all his free evenings with my own internet projects.  Mua ha ha ha.

(Notice any changes?)  Trying to think up a new way to make my banner and organize it all.

[6] Starting the advent madness!

Silas and I packed a compassion box the other day which was very fun.  I love that we prayed together and that he's learning about giving.  I need to be a better model of giving on a regular basis...

Yes, he is asking if he can have one of the suckers

[7] Chasing these crazy boys.

[8] Reading about random things.  Including (but not limited to):

orphans

home-schooling

globalization and the effect of buying things 'cheap'

and

women who have dealt with adversity

All this to say: my head is full, my days are busy, my prayers are many and it's all about to get a bit crazy.  If you don't hear from me on my blog, well, that's why!

Back to Work

One whole year (thank God for Canada) at home and now IT is upon me.

Back to work.

I remember being very excited about this with Silas.  I remember feeling thrilled to use my nursing skills, relieved that I could have a few days out of the house, and I remember that at first it was hard- but then it was no problem.

This time?

I mainly feel overwhelmed.  It's been a 4 month frustrating, praying, discerning, waiting process of trying to find a part-time situation that would work for the kids and us.  I finally found two great part time jobs, but that means orientating to two new jobs.  At the same time.  Over Christmas.

Did I mention I haven't weaned Toby yet? Gulp.

I have had a few emotional ups and downs over these past few days trying to cope with all the changes ahead.  I've Worried.  I've tried not to worry.  I've been anxious.  I've tried not to be anxious.  I've stayed up late being harried and frantic: trying to organize myself without giving myself an ulcer.

I remind myself:
The kids will be fine.
I will be fine.
I will feel like an idiot for awhile but then I will learn the ropes again.
I will feel guilty at times when something's going on with the boys and I can't be there.
And every night, I'm sure, I will speed home (within legal limits) and get excited about the thought of seeing 4 little limbs running over themselves to greet me at the door.

It's hard, already, being a working Mom.  Half of me feels silly for not advancing in my career more.  Half of me feels guilty for leaving the kids at all.  I guess I should always shoot for 50% contentment?!

I was told that you cannot simultaneously feel fear and gratitude at the same time.  And that frantically thinking about something doesn't change it.  It will be what it will be.  I will have to accept whatever the new normal is.  So to counter the rising emotional wave of agony and anxiety rising up in me, I will hold tight to the many things I have to be thankful for:

• Awesome friends and family willing and able to take care of the boys so we have to pay minimal childcare costs. 
• An incredibly involved and supportive husband who is more than capable and able to watch the kids while I'm away
• Jobs to return to- so that I can help pay for our living costs
• A new opportunity to teach students at BCIT- so excited.
• Fun, already planned Christmas advent activities to distract the kids, entertain the caretakers, and get us all focused on what really matters instead of my absence
• Healthy boys
• An incredible career, which I love, to return to.

This weekend Jason is away.  But it's also my last weekend with the kids before work starts.  So rather than dread his absence, I'm gonna choose to wring out every drop of the weekend.  I'm gonna savor all the moments, cherish all the snuggles, and live in all the moments with them and not worry about what's over the next hill.

Or at least, I'll try.

Happy Birthday Toby

I don't think a single year of my life has gone as fast as this one.
How is it that my precious, sweet cheeked, blue eyed, cuddly baby has turned into a 1 year old?

I cannot get over this kid.  In four words: he is just delicious, delightful, daring, and determined.  He is sweet and cuddly and constantly on the move.  We have a four chair barricade at the bottom of our stairs and he still doggedly finds his way through, over, or around them.  As soon as the outside doors are opened he is right there- trying to get out.  He loves his little hockey stick and cries when you take it away.  He climbs into the fridge or dishwasher as soon as the door flies open and if you leave a toilet paper roll or toilet unattended...well...he's sure to get to them.

He is not very vocal or excite-able but is generally quite content, curious and stubborn.  Try changing this kid.  No really, try it.  It's a full on 15 minute ordeal trying to keep him still.

He is right in the thick of things- standing with the boys, in the lego house Silas is building, hanging on my leg while I cook in the kitchen, and always trying to do what Silas is doing.  He can already build lego towers!

My oh my.  What a sweetheart, what a gift, what a joy, what a fast moving little life.

In celebration of this little explorer, we're having a family 'monkey' party.  I may have spent too much time on this and let my creativity go a little nuts but once you start making a theme, well...there's no going back.  Having a banana hunt, playing with monkey 'dough,' eating monkey munchies, decorating bananas, you know- all too much fun!

Here is this little hero:

In the sprinkler...  

Why not eat puffs off the floor? 

mmmm 

Multi-tasking 

Goin for it! 

Can I? 

Neighbors' garden looks good

Clearly not understanding the word 'barricade' 

Helping me garden of course! 

This is often the look on Toby's face: perpetual surprise.

On a bike already?! 

Always wants to do what his brother is doing!

7 years of wedded bliss

It's been a ride hasn't it?  Cannot believe that 7 brief years ago I was walking down the aisle to your handsome face beaming at me with those bright blue eyes.  We were a bit naive to the things we'd endure over these years, but I wouldn't change them.  You're my best friend still and I don't know how it is that I can continue falling deeper in love with you- but I am.

So here's a little tribute:
Married for 7 years

 (our Costa Rican honeymoon.  P.S. babe- you still have the same swimsuit.  Think it's time for a new one?)

White flesh on a motorbike.  Good times.

Explored, served, learned, and adventured for 6 months in West Africa 

We've moved 5 times 

[Fort Langley, New West, Surrey, Burkina, Surrey, Walnut Grove!]
we traveled around 4 European countries 

[Switzerland, France, Spain and Italy]

You've helped me through 3 major surgeries, helping, holding, comforting, caring, bringing, praying...you are a better nurse than me I think.

 
 
We've had 2 beautiful sons we are so blessed and I am SO blessed to have such a caring, loving, supportive father of my children. Two thumbs up for living in a house full of blonde headed boys.

You are 1 fine man Jason Brink, 

[my 1 true love]

O, the times we've had.  Lots of laughing, crying, sleepless nights, prayers prayed, camping trips, long car rides, exploring cities, Bible schooling, making new friends, hosting, hiking, biking trips, crazy flights, learning together, making a home, renovating a home, trips to zoos, fancy restaurants and to Ontario... ministering together, meetings, leading and feeding others.  The list could go on...

Here's to many more adventurous years together: living, learning, leaning on each other

 loving

Precious, Sweet Toby

Almost 10 months.  Is it just me or does that seem like it's passed too quickly?  I cannot believe that my blue eyed baby is getting so close to a year old.  We are so blessed to have this content, sweet, kissable, curious,  precious life in our home.  

This stage with him is just so fun [makes me want another baby sooner!]  He is endlessly curious and is the fastest climber, crawler, explorer around.  I literally have to be constantly vigilant.  Not only would he be up the stairs before I could even say "stairs," - well, he'd be splashing his little chubby hand in that toilet bowl too!  

I cannot help but feel already sentimental at the thought that I'll be returning to work in two short months.  I don't want this stage to end!  I am endlessly kissing and hugging this little snuggly boy and he's happiest (or so I say) when he's around Mama.  

It's gotten a bit busy in this household now that Silas and Toby are like little magnets.  One is always in the others' way causing for some serious refereeing.  But I love watching how Toby has started dancing along to music, I love seeing his little "power stance" we call it (when he stands up in the middle of the room unassisted and just stands there, legs bent and wide), and love hearing his little giggle.  

He always has his little tongue pointing out or his lips sucked in while concentrating.  He is constantly grabbing and pulling hair, turning things over and over in his hands, and is the most wiggly little guy!  He is a good little eater and loves avocado and puffs.  He still is gummy mouthed- no teeth to be seen.

He is a sensitive sleeper meaning that he still wakes up sometimes in the night and doesn't transfer well, but he is generally a decent napper (napping twice a day).  

Love this little baby boy.

Here's some photos of his cute-ness:

(power stance!)

Never seen him happier than in mud and water (and clothes-less)

Into the neighbor's yard

"I'm a big kid too, right?  I can climb the playground?"

In my mouth

Loves climbing ALL over Momma

Love. Him.

Cousins = bliss.

Each morning here in Ontario I wake up the sound of Silas' little voice saying "I love Kellon. He's special."  I love watching Silas playing with his little cousins.  He is in love with his 6 year old cousin Kellon who is "super strong," according to Silas "he can even pick me up!"  He plays with baby dolls with Allie (the lone girl cousin on this side in a sea of 6 boy cousins) and loves jumping on the trampoline at Oma and Opa's house with Tayte and 'the guys' as he would say.  

Sun, lots of aunts and uncles to hold and play with him, cousins to run races with, fresh sliced watermelon and Godly examples of loving family.  Bliss.

I'm very grateful for this time away with Jason's family!

Picture Overload

Where has this month and a bit gone?  Well, let me show you (not in order...)

1. Power to Change Staff Conference.  Week in a swanky hotel in downtown vancouver! [Sounds exciting right?  It was h-a-r-d.  Staying in a one bedroom hotel room with two kids is not ideal.  Didn't hardly get to the sessions or connect with all the people we wanted to... and Toby ended up projectile vomiting and feverish just before we sat down for the formal banquet with dresses and suits on...  but it came and went.  Not a lot of photos to share as we were busy stressing about kids' naps, meals, childcare and sicknesses but near the end of the conference we did get upgrated to a double suite on the 26th floor.  Look at the view!]

we found out later that our room would have cost us 500 bucks a night?  Wow.  

Got to go on a dinner cruise in Vancouver as part of the conference.  Silas loved the boat:

Wave!

Silas developed a crush on a particular childcare worker at staff conference and kept running up to dance for her.  What a little hunk!  How do children just know how to flirt? 

We look happy don't we?  We were incredibly sleep deprived...

"Sure Jason, let Silas-run around on the 26th floor patio, it's not giving me a heart-attack or anything..."

2. Kitchen Renos

Kitchen leak = a lot of work.  We have been staring at an empty kitchen for over 3 weeks now.  First they had to pack it up and tear it all out and dry it out, and now we've been waiting for insurance to get their ducks in a row (read: paperwork) so that they can begin to repair it.  We thought about getting new cabinets but decided that it's going to take too long and cost too much.  AND since no one is doing any repair work as of yet, we might as well paint.  Our plan (thanks to a very interior-decorator-saavy friend) is to paint the cabinets cream, walls cream, change out the floor, add butcher block counter tops, put in open shelving and do a feature charcoal wall.  

Oh by the way, we have 3 weeks left this summer to do it.

It started like this:

Upper cabinets complete! See below:

[Amazing what a coat of paint will do!]

All this has meant very frustrating meal preparation, washing dishes in the bathroom sink, lots of time spent outdoors, late nights for Jason and I painting and working and...

3. Back Patio Playing

Lots of it.  Chalk colouring, pine cone collecting, pine cone painting, sand and water play, the works.

Silas' Nana dropped off a water/sand table on the patio and it's been a HUGE blessing (thank you Sally!)

Silas is finally learning how to play a bit more independently.  It's been awesome.  Although...I don't just sit back with a coffee and watch him play, now I'm chasing a little mobile Toby who eats grass, crawls, grabs at all of Silas' toys, stands on anything, climbs...phew.  

Here he is in all his glory:

He's generally a happy kid but when he's not- he's at least still super cute.

4. Trips to the Beach

We've spent a lot of time out of the house due to the kitchen's state and since I'm cooking dinner on the BBQ most nights anyways, we often end up going to a park/beach for picnic style dinners.  Here's us at Sasamat Lake:

At City Park in Lynden- on a day trip with my Mom:

Coolest park I've ever seen

Just cause it's a funny picture: (brothers!)

5. House Sitting

We've taken advantage of those who leave on vacation and have spent time at others' homes to get away from our kitchen chaos.  These are some pictures of us 'house sitting' at our friends place:

(We swapped out their pictures on the wall with the ones of us in their home.  Fun prank! - Thanks to old friends Jeff and Ashlee for the idea when they did it to our own house!)

6. Vacation!

Vacation has come to mean a new thing for me: work!  Packing, loading, driving, trying to get babies to sleep in new places, packing again, laundry....

Oh but the memories we make together!  Thanks to Nana and Papa we got to stay at a cabin on Pinaten lake near Kamloops this last weekend.  It was HOT but oh so much fun:

 Fishing!

 Cousins having a juice box break

7. Growing

Lots of change happening around here: Toby is eating solids and going to bed at 7 pm, crawling, standing, sitting, rolling and getting everywhere and into everything.  

Silas is learning how to play a bit by himself and LOVES spending time outside.  He is often found making 'cakes' out of rocks and sticks and trying to wrestle or race us.  He speaks so well that often people think he's older and has a really spunky sense of humor emerging.  Now he says things like "Toby's bugging me mom"  Oh boy. 

He has started to lose his nap (boo) since if he does nap he's up til like 10 pm in his room still talking and moving around.  I tried today for the first time to enforce a quiet time and he played contentedly alone with lego for over an hour before he was like this:

Asleep.  Lego crash.

And a picture for kicks.

I thought the fall was going to be busy but this summer is kicking my butt!

Next up: camping with our life group, tackling the rest of the kitchen, and a trip to Ontario for two weeks (that is, of course, before the crazy busy fall begins).