Bad mother alert

I've had a few 'incidents' recently that deserve to be mentioned. First one:

Jason and I finally took baby Silas for his first hike! (It's about time, considering his name means 'man of the forest' afterall!). So, as most parents know, it took a bit of finesse, timing, luck, and coordination to get him out the door and make sure he would sleep in the car on the way to the hike (since awake silas + carseat = no fun for parents). We got there (phew) and he had slept the whole way. I whipped out lunch in due time and gave him a little feed in the back of our very functional mini-va* er, I mean cuv (car utility vehicle). We bundled him all up in two sleepers and our great go-go baby wrap slapped onto Jason's chest. (Btw, great investment because J can truly experience what I felt like for 9 months carrying a person on the front of my torso). And presto, as we started walking along our favourite buntzen lake trail whamo- he was asleep! (Point 1 for mommy and daddy).

So we thoroughly enjoyed our almost 3 hour walk around this lake. It felt like a date- with baby sleeping soundly with his little 'bee' hat on and us chatting away. Minding our own business (while pleasantly greeting passersby) we kept debating 'hat on' or 'hat off.' Sometimes it would seem really warm and since Silas was bundled all close up to Daddy it was 17 degrees, he seemed plenty warm enough....so at a few points we took off the hat so his head could get a bit of a breeze since his cheeks look kinda flushed.

Well. We passed a lady on the path who gave us this very disapproving look and said "babies should ALWAYS wear a hat," as she walked past us. Not only did she give us that look, but said that in the most condescending voice EVer. THEN as we kept walking, feeling as though we'd been slapped in the face, she said ANOTHER comment something to the effect of "shame on you."

I have never felt so judged and speechless at the same time. Who? What the? What just happened here? Bad mommy, bad (but even though apparently my child's entire health and well-being was apparently at stake at that moment, I wanted to almost not put the hat back on just to spite her).

Incident #2.

We were back at the car, still reeling and we had put Silas in the trunk, lying on his back so he could kick for awhile and enjoy his little self before we put him back again into the dreaded car seat. A lady walked clear across the parking lot and came over and started cooing and ooing at Silas and touching him. WOAH lady. Am I a bad mom that it kind of freaks me out a bit when perfect strangers touch my son all over? I mean, where have their hands been? Did they use the public pit toilets and there was no soap and so they just used water... ?? Is it bad I want to offer people a mask and hand sanitizer before they enter Silas' zone? I never really had strangers 'rub my belly' although, when people did, it didn't really bother me. But THIS does. Shouldn't people ask? Am I a bad mommy for not wanting people to goo and gaah and touch my perfectly clean and non-contaminated little boy?

Ugh. Parenting. Since when does it open invitation for any and all opinions and since when does that give people liberality to touch and coddle my son? I guess I should lighten up a bit. Maybe I'm a bit cranky from lack of sleep (actually, I KNOW I'm cranky from lack of sleep).

before Incident #2

Before Incident #1

flexibility

This is how my morning yesterday was supposed to go:
silas was asleep so I made some lemon scones (yummy), got a cup of HOT coffee ready, sat down with my Bible....to have some good quiet time:

This is how my morning actually went...

I sat down, ready to eat that first scrumptuous

bite, and to sip my hot coffee- wrote two words

on my journal page...and Silas woke up crying,

screaming in fact. The rest of the morning

I was trying to figure out what was wrong. Fed him,

took him for a long walk in the stroller

to get him to sleep etc.

Ha ha. Parenting is ALL about flexibility.

Do they sleep?

I've determined that I'm going to learn something from this trial of sleeplessness. I don't want all this struggle to be wasted on me. It's brought a lot of thoughts to my mind too about who else might be sleepless.

I'm awake again tonight, lost in the world of sleeplessness and I wonder-
Do they sleep?
those who are terrified by war and surrounded by death?
Do they sleep?
those who are abused, victimized, awaiting their oppressor's return?
Do they sleep?
those who are lonely in a prison cell, never to have justice?
Do they sleep?
whose homes are devastated by disaster, whose infants are dying in their arms?
Do they sleep?
whose eyes are tired from crying, whose losses are overwhelming and endless...?

Did he sleep?
he who knew the sins of the world were to be upon his shoulders?
Did he sleep?
he who was alone and facing death, beaten and abandoned by the ones he came to save?
Did he sleep?
knowing that he was the only one who could bring mercy and justice to the earth
Did he sleep?
the night before he was betrayed into the hands of sinners, before the greatest act of God was to be accomplished through the loss of his own life?

I lie awake at night and am comforted
Not by the gravity of others' trials compared to mine, nor by the reality that was Christ's horrible death but because I know...

He does not sleep
He who keeps the world in His hands, who sees every suffering child, alone, cold, and homeless
He does not sleep
He who knows every oppressor, every unborn nameless child, and every hurting soul
He does not sleep
and He is enough to comfort me in every trial, even as I too lie awake at night, wishing for the peace of sleep

He is sleepless with me
and I am not alone


I hope I can work on prayer and intercession for all the other sleepless bodies in the world... the nights must be that much longer and lonelier for those whose worlds are literally shattering around them.

Name change and other ramblings

Decided to change my blog name. Jason challenged me to blog more 'thematically.' I thought about what sort of things I could or should blog about:

Everyday life? Spiritual thoughts? Being a new parent? All of the above? None of the above?

I'm sure I'll blog about stuff in general, but I realized that one of the ways God has often spoken to me, is through metaphors. Physical things that make me think of spiritual things. Everyday, day to day things that impact my emotions and spirit.

Sounds too serious and pensive. (I'm sure it won't be).

I suppose these random images of mine may make no sense to anyone, except me. But maybe not.

So: metaphor of the day?

I thought I had a brilliant one about how Jesus is my garbageman...but it's not quite worthy of publishing. Actually, not sure I have one today. But that's okay. Life doesn't always fit into nice little themes... does it?

What happened today?

Skipped church due to uncooperative baby schedule, drank 3 cups of watery coffee, read my novel, read some OT, and then I just went for a walk with Silas. Ran into lots of little kids with basketballs and tricycles. I love when kids are out playing. They make me want to play again. Ran into neighbors and had a nice conversation. Ha! We conversed about how evil the internet is and how we never talk to neighbors anymore but instead talk to 'strangers' in 'China' instead.

And here I am.

Blogging.

Was this the most random blog or what?

Life without hubby

This week Jason goes away for 4 days for a work conference. WHAT WILL I DO? Oh boy. Makes me think a lot about single parents. How do they do it? It's so nice to have someone else around to hold Silas for a bit so I can get things done, or just give my shoulder a break.

Stay tuned to see how I fare...

Silas at 2months!

So what does a two month old DO?

Silas started smiling a number of weeks ago and smiles when I sing to him, or when Jason or I talk to him. I call his change table his 'happy place' because almost immediately after I place him there he starts smiling and cooing!

He has found his right hand and tries to suck on it (often shoving the whole thing in his mouth!). He has started batting at hanging toys and loves his new play mat I found at a kids used item swap meet. He likes his bath, after he gets used to the water, and loves sleeping in his swing, in the moving car, or on daddy's chest, and enjoys going for walks with mom. He is a soother addict.

He is a LOUD crier and always cries when I try to burp him. And burp he does! Others have commented he burps like a grown man!

He spits up A LOT and we go through a ton of receiving blankets and sleepers. The other day I had to change my pants, my shirt (twice) and my socks (?) from all his spit up!

He is now getting distracted while eating and seems to LOVE looking at blinds (?)

His cheeks are nice and full and his tummy super round. He loves to kick and punch often his mom being the recipient. (Jason was shocked the other day to see how much he pummels me when he eats!) When is on his back he kicks a ton, and practically moves himself around because of his kicks.

He doesn't like tummy time all that much, but is able to lift his head quite well. He enjoys playing by himself on the play mat and will sit there cooing and making noises until he is tired.

We can't stop kissing his little head (which is now growing back a little more light brown hair) and we wonder what his eye colour will be as they still just look dark.

He has started sleeping a bit longer at night (yahoo) but still doesn't really enjoy daytime naps. He rarely sleeps unless we put a blanket over his head as he just seems to want to look around and see everything!

It's amazing to see how much this little boy has taken over our world after only 2 months!!!

Appreciation

I'm smiling a lot today. Something about a starbucks coffee in hand, a bit of freedom, and some beautiful cherry blossom trees....

Parenting so far has given me a new appreciation for things, of which I am reflecting on today. Such as:

sleep. The sun seems brighter, the air fresher, the day better when I have a good nights' sleep

a hot coffee or hot food. The other day I microwaved the same cup of coffee 3 times!

the sense of great accomplishment I feel when I finally complete an unfinished task. Be it folding a load of laundry, getting a chance to vacuum, or answering an e-mail, it's always a feat!

grocery shopping. Who knew that getting out of the house for just an hour or so would be so exciting!

company. I have always been a social addict, but now more than ever I crave adult interaction. have never appreciated more just getting to go out for coffee with someone or have someone over for an afternoon.

I went for a walk today and reflected on how much I enjoy this time of life right now. My heart feels full. I love having a routine (never thought I'd say that) and getting a chance to go out and try new things. I joined a women's bible study which meets, weekly. I am starting a mom and baby fitness class, weekly. I go to life group, weekly. I'm so thankful for canadian maternity leave where I don't have to work shift work and can enjoy the ebb and flow of weeks, weekends, and all the everyday days, day after day, with my little love-able baby boy (who I can hear cooing in the other room right now!)

p.s. kisses. I am addicted to kissing my little boy's round little warm cheeks.