Busy Bags

An oldie but a goodie: 

This summer I attended my first busy bag making party. What a great way to meet new people, swap some fun tot-stuff and get my creative juices flowing.  

I made 8 of them.  Silas loved playing with them while I put them together:

This was the one I made: dyed pasta, cut up straws, beads and pipe cleaners.  

Favorite moment over the summer with it?  On a dinner cruise where few other families had activities for their kids.  It went longer than expected and I whipped out this 
bad-boy. 

Crowd pleaser.  Soon I had 10 kids surrounding me and fighting over pipe cleaners.  Good times.  

One received from my friend: cupcake decorating!  (Good one Michelle!)

Miracle

Rewind a month ago.  There was something terribly wrong in my family.  Silas and I were not getting along at all.  I found myself getting so angry and impatient with him all the time.

I was often disciplining out of anger and felt so easily frustrated.  I was often bitter and mean.

Simultaneously, Silas was not only testing boundaries with me constantly, but it was almost like he disdained me.  He was disrespectful, defiant, and rude.  We were in Ontario visiting family and I found myself often crying about our relationship.  I told Jason that I thought I was losing Silas.  Maybe that sounds extreme, but a real fear was growing inside of me, "What am I doing wrong?  Where will this child end up if this is our relationship?  What foundations is my attitude laying for our future?" I know he's 2 but there was some serious walls that I felt like we had between us.  I even found myself saying to Jason that I had a hard time even liking Silas at all.

It was bad.

Then, Silas started over and over saying "I don't like Mommy."  This broke my heart.  He's 2 but he certainly understands what that means.  I really began crying out to God.  Oh, I had prayed for us but it was more like a "Help God, what do I do?  Give me wisdom!"  sort of prayer.

Then a miracle happened.

One day coming back from a family outing, Silas fell asleep in Oma and Opa's van just before coming home. I decided to carry him into the house but halfway inside Silas seemed really cranky so I just sat in the porch swing with him.  

I was just swinging, and holding him, and cuddling him and was amazed to see that he fell asleep.  And a wave of emotion poured through me.  I began crying over our relationship and all it's fractures.  Welling up inside of me was an overwhelming urge that in this special moment, I needed to pray for him, OVER him, and pray for us.

So I sat there.  I rocked him for over an hour and wept over him, prayed out loud for him, sang to him, and spoke scripture to him.  I felt like I needed to reassure Silas of my love for him and my acceptance of him.  I cried out to God and just asked that He break down whatever spiritual divide or emotional divide was between Silas and I.  I prayed for more patience, for more affection, for more graciousness with Silas.  I prayed that God would restore Silas to me.  And I prayed that God would loose in me an ability to speak of God's love to him.

The time holding Silas was so sweet and precious.  Rarely could I get Silas to let me hug him for more than 5 seconds before this time.

And you know, God answered my prayers.  Immediately, unbelievably, and in such a wonderfully profound way- God answered.  Ever since that time it's like the walls have fallen down.  I find myself understanding Silas better, being more able to reassure and encourage him, and more able to discipline him in a loving way. I find him responding to me, and there is an easy flow of affection between us- more than ever before.  Silas just yesterday was saying "I love you Mommy, you're special," and I am so thankful.  So grateful for this incredible answer to prayer.  

Thank God for his grace in this journey of parenthood.

Brothers

For the first time I really feel like I'm beginning to parent brothers instead of just sons.  I spend all day vigilantly separating, correcting, refereeing, debriefing, time-out(ing), and doing damage control with these two little ones.  

Toby, on his own, is quite content to play independently exploring his world and sucking on every little thing.  He is not easily excitable and seems to enjoy quiet, focused solitude where he is left to simply wander and figure things out.  

Silas, on his own, is more demanding wanting Mommy to watch and see and experience everything he does.  However, he can sometimes be counted on to play with his legos alone or is incredibly engaged and fun to do activities with.  

But (cause there is always a but), when these two boys are in the same room [which we have been forced to be due to our kitchen renos], here comes trouble.  Silas is ever in Toby's face grabbing his feet, bonking his head, pushing him over, taking his toys, commanding his attention, and telling him what to do.  This makes Toby cry and whine.  If it's not Silas instigating, then Toby is ever into Silas's toys.  Whenever Silas finally gets into something like making lego towers or the like, Toby is right there beside him eyeing the same toys, crawling on his lego, grabbing things, pushing them over- not to be thwarted or distracted from his main mission: get whatever Silas has.

When did these boys get like this?

I mean it's cute that they like to be together -right?  It's cute that Silas wants Toby to chase after him after he takes his walker- right?  It's cute that Silas likes to pin Toby like a pancake to hug and kiss him-right?  

Okay okay, it's not all bad.  It's cute that when I go to wake up Silas (with Toby in tow) Toby grins hugely and that Silas tries to make Toby laugh. 

But generally speaking,  why can't they just leave each other alone?  I can't really ever leave the two of them alone in a room for even. one. minute.  Peeing in privacy?  Nope.  Washing dishes in the bathroom?  Nope.  Running up the stairs to grab something? Nope.  

grrrrrrrrr.

Silas wasn't thrilled about this arrangement

Close behind at Silas' heels...

But they are definitely cute together and I pray that they will someday learn to play together. Nicely.

"I spilled the blueberries"

"I spilled the blueberries."  This phrase has come to haunt me over the past week.  

The scene: 

I had attempted to grocery shop with two little boys.  It was mostly going well although it was requiring an enormous amount of energy to keep them entertained, behaved, and prevent them from de-shelving everything (while simultaneously navigating a grocery store that I hate).

However, mid-shop I needed to take Silas to the potty.  Can someone please tell me how one is supposed to hold a wiggly, acrobatic 7 month old who can reach further than seems humanly possible and is keen on sucking on every surface WHILE stripping a toddler of their clothes, lifting them onto the potty and then doing that whole thing again in reverse?

How?
My options were 1. leave Toby in the grocery cart outside of the bathroom (Obviously this would be neglectful and dangerous so that wasn't going to work) 2. take the cart into the bathroom (they wouldn't let me nor would it fit) 3. put Toby on the floor in the bathroom stall (gross, gross, gross) or 4. grunt, groan, complain and exclaim as I tried to both hold Toby and help Silas.

Anyways.  

The shop continued with Silas getting restless and aggressive with Toby so he ended up walking at his toddler -5km/hr pace making me ever so frustrated.  By the time I had paid and finally loaded the groceries in bags (I would almost pay to have someone do this for me) I was very ready to be done shopping.

My exhaustion was rising, I had to pee, and both boys needed to get home to be fed and sleep so the scene was worsening by the second.  Just at the exit I realized I couldn't find my keys.  We were in-between doorways and I was in the home stretch and I was rooting through my purse to no avail.

No keys to be seen.  Frustration rising.  Well, I gave Silas the box of blueberries to hold, instructing him to hold onto them very carefully.  I gave him the berries partially to placate him and partially to motivate him to behave. I told him he could have some once we got to the car.  I'm on the floor at this point, almost to the desperate point of dumping my purse out when:

Crash.

All I see are blueberries around me.  Silas is wailing and I just snapped.  I didn't yell and scream, but I was very angry.  I gave Silas a hard time and made him feel bad about him dropping the blueberries.  "Look what you've done.  Now you won't get any blueberries.  I told you to hold them carefully now look what's happened... etc" But I went too far.  Much too far.

Oh, I can justify my actions: "I was exhausted, I was tired, I was pushed to the limit of what I am capable of doing as a person..." But I made him feel ashamed for what was probably an accident.  

Over a week later and Silas still brings this up every time I discipline him.  He'll be in trouble for something and I'll be trying to discipline him, he'll be upset, and then he'll just cry and say,"I dropped the blueberries."

Uh oh.

Can someone please tell me how to raise a rambunctious, boundary-pushing, strong willed, emotional, smart, and incredibly literate boy? I am pushed and pulled and worn thin and rung out each and every day with this boy.  He depletes most of my emotional energy.  One minute he is creative, imaginative, playful, fun, energetic, charming and charismatic making me laugh and wonder at this gift of life.  The next minute (literally the next minute) he is obstinate, deaf to instruction, rude, aggressive, obnoxious, loud, aggressive, controlling and temperamental.  

How am I supposed to be a firm but loving Mother?  How am I supposed to be kind and gracious, compassionate and forgiving while also needing to be firm and provide discipline?  How am I supposed to weather this toddler season without going literally insane?

I don't want to repeat the blueberry incident but I am stretched so often in my abilities to care for this 2 year old, I'm afraid these scenes happen too often. I am often out of wisdom and creative ideas in how to motivate, instruct and inspire obedience.  Oh, by the way I have a baby in the background who may or may not be crying, falling off of furniture and barfing into clean laundry baskets.  Oh, by the way, it hasn't stopped raining for a month. Oh, by the way, I get easily angered, I am trying to maintain a perfectly clean home, I am desperate for control, I try to do this in my own strength, I am incredibly hard on myself, I'm very selfish, I am a horrible sinner and I rarely get a solid 6 hours of sleep a night.  

Okay God.  I need your help.  No, I really really really mean it this time.  

Recent Photo Favs'

 How Toby likes to 'see' the world.  Safely tucked close to mom or dad but still being able to take it all in:

My baby melons in the tub:

I love this picture because it so accurately portrays the differences in these two brothers' personalities.  Silas is like a pinball- bouncing around and off of people and things at a fast pace, excitable, dramatic and ridiculously energetic.  Silas is thrilled to be sitting in the tub with his brother.  Toby's reaction?  "What's all the noise about?"  He'd rather just sit with some toys quietly, taking it all in- but usually Silas is in his face blocking his view.  This should get really interesting as they get older.

AND

Pinterest. Fail.

You know those great ideas for photographing your child at different stages to compare their size?  Like this? photo sequence Well.  I started that.  Then forgot.  So I have this random picture of Toby in a laundry basket at 2 months.  Now, instead of being the beginning of a cute and memorable photo series, I just look like a neglectful parent. (or a candidate for  http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/ )  I can just hear him one day asking me, "Mom, why am I unsafely positioned in a laundry hamper?"

I tried to remedy this ill-fated situation by taking another picture now at 7 months.  And got this:

Yes.  He is licking it.

Oh how I love pinterest ideas if only I had more time...

On a Day Like Today

7:30 am.  Usually Silas is up already for the day.  But he wasn't.  "Perfect, I thought, I can get Toby down for his morning nap before Silas wakes up!"  8:00.  Silas is still sleeping, "That's odd, but I'll do some chores..."  8:30 am.  I go in to check on him and find him beside a puddle of puke.  Uh oh.  By 12 o'clock it had been a warzone of projectile vomiting, diarrhea, fevers, loads of laundry and lysol wipes.

I'm not sure this is possible, but it seems that Silas has bounced back hugely this evening.  I'm not holding my breath but in the meantime, I'm going to count my blessings.  I've super thankful because...

1. I have a washing machine and dryer.  I did 9 loads of laundry in the past 2 days.  Imagining this same scene whilst having to wash things by hand is,well, horrid.
2. Information and an education at my fingertips.  As a nurse, I know some basic things like hand washing, replacing fluids, and how to manage a fever.  Even if I didn't have a nursing education (which in itself is a reason for praising God), the internet is right here at my fingertips for clues on how to manage a sick toddler.  Many mothers worldwide don't have this kind of information at their fingertips.
3. Family close by.  I'm thankful for a Nana, Papa and Grandma who texted today and for a Grandma who lives close enough to run out and get some Pedialyte and Gravol for Silas (since I was car-less).
4. Medical help is only a phone call away, or a 10 minute drive to the hospital.  Knowing that I have access to help if things go sour is incredible.  So few around the world have this luxury with their sick kid. [Shout out to all you missionaries out there: you are a-amazing that you give this 'security' up for the sake of the call].
5. Clean water.  I know that if I give Silas water, the water is clean.  It won't make his sickness worse.
6. Access to medications.  Tylenol and Gravol helped us out today.  How much worse to watch your child suffer without these helpful aids?
7. Flushable toilets.  Enough said.
8. I'm grateful Silas is potty trained (mostly) at this point.  This meant that his D-train went down the D-rain rather than in a diaper.  (Shudder).
9. A husband, who works close-by, and who could come home early and bring me a happy-hour-frappe.  All of these things could make 4 different thanksgiving points.
10. My child will most likely get better. [In fact, miraculously, he seems to be MUCH better this evening]. Some parents have to watch their kids get sick. Every. Day.  And are not able to do anything about it but watch.  This alone makes me overwhelmed with how blessed I am.

Thanks God.  So much to be thankful for on a day like today.

Parenthood: Risk Management and Vaccinations

Jason and I have come to realize that so much of parenthood appears to be weighing risks.  It's frightening living in this day and age.  We have access to so much information and media on the internet. With that, comes the issue of weeding through all this 'information' and making informed decisions about our children's' health and well-being.  Who do you trust to give you accurate information?  Websites?  Peoples' experiences?  Dr's?  No one is purely objective and no one can be trusted (is what we learn in this generation).   


Take the issue of vaccinations (a big one).  Do you, or do you not vaccinate? What once was a clear decision (in an era where every second child got debilitating effects of polio) is now complicated.  What about autism?  What about other terrifying 'reported' neurological effects of vaccinations?  For me, having seen the effects of polio on children in rural Africa, it seems to be an obvious decision- the risks of vaccination are clearly outweighed (to me) by the benefits.  But then, what if, after giving Silas 3 shots today, he somehow comes down with autism?  What would I think then?  Who am I to question many parents' real experiences of their children going in for shots one day and developing autism shortly after?  


Gah!  Not only is making an informed choice difficult, but then feeling confident of that decision is even harder!  Hmph. How does any parent live with any decision they make?  


Jason and I struggle through over-analysis-paralysis.  I feel overwhelmed, most of the time, about trying to make 'the best' decision.  I don't want to be under-informed, but often being over-informed causes me more headaches and frustration.  Especially because I never feel confident that I DID make 'the best' decision.  For example: if I be overprotective and don't let Silas climb trees, or play outside, or run around the neighborhood, then perhaps he will live in fear or not develop as a normal boy should.  But then if I let my son do these things and he falls from a tree and becomes paralyzed for life, or is hit by a car, or gets abducted-then did I make the right decision?


Parenthood can be terrifying.  Every decision comes down to risk.  There's risks to not vaccinating, but also risks to vaccinating (until they do more research and absolutely conclude there is no causal relationship between vaccinations and autism).


My conclusion to these ramblings: How does any parent navigate this world today without God?


I'm working on thankfulness this month and so I am thankful that ultimately, God does see all things and protect us from many awful things. However, when bad things do happen, this doesn't negate the existence of God or disprove that He is good.  I believe that God does allow things to happen in our lives for our good.  I may not understand in this life.  I may not want to accept life's circumstances because of how hard they are, but His ways are above mine.  I cannot live in fear, or should not, because God will never change and will always be my sustainer and foundation in and through any circumstance. I'm thankful that in the midst of feeling overwhelmed and over conscious of all the things that could go wrong in parenting, I can still trust that God is good, He is control, and that all that happens in this life will one day be swept over by the glorious life to come.


Side note: I watched this documentary today on vaccinations and it was very informative.  Frontline (PBS) in the US does a great job of providing objective, free, documentaries online:
 Vaccine Documentary 

You Know You're a Mom When....

Comical insights I've learned over these past 12 (gulp) months of initiation as a Mom.
You know you're a mom when....
-you finally have to buy concealer cause the bags under your eyes are just too big
-you use the bottom of your own shirt to wipe your son's nose
-you're not ashamed to stick your nose down your child's shorts to take a good 'wiff' (hey, it's the best way to tell if they've pooped or not!)
-your diaper bag is your purse (or your purse is your diaper bag?  either way, it's true)
-you don't mind eating teeny, tiny pieces of discarded food from your child's plate
-you go out of the house with either spit up on your shirt or food stains.  And you don't care so much anymore.
-you get excited about buying toy bins at ikea
-*personal mom-comment ahead*: you walk around without your nursing bra snapped in for most of the day
-even if your son's face is covered in snot, food, and has a rash all over it- you still think he's cute and can't resist sudden urges to kiss his cheeks off
-you think every noise-making-toy sounds like your crying child when he's down for a nap
-you clap hysterically whenever your child does something new- even if it's the smallest thing

This has been quite the year. I feel so privileged to have Silas along on this adventure with Jason and I.  He's brought so much joy and laughter, and has filled up all the empty spaces of our life (and home).  I'm excited to see what this year brings and slightly scared to death.  Now begins the rumblings of discipline and spiritual guidance of which I'm terrified of.  Lord help us raise Silas well!

*Getting into present opening


A few new accomplishments of my one year old:
-he stood up without holding onto anything (for a few seconds) the other day!
-he stands all the time now and cruises all over every bit of furniture
-he can clap when we say 'yay' and lifts his hands straight up when we say 'praise the Lord.'  We're still working on some baby sign language but I think he can say 'more' with sign language and knows the sign for 'milk.'
-he climbed stairs for the first time the other day (only a couple steps and only a few times)
-he loves it when I throw something to the ground and say 'ka-boom'  (oops, should I be teaching him this?)
-he's a great eater for the most part but has a particular love for fruit and breads....he also has a post-yogurt-tantrum because he loves it so much and gets upset when his container is empty!

Sporting his birthday boy crown- made by his 5 year old friend Micaiah!

Hanging out with cousin Allie

Standing away!

"My work is done here..."

Showing off his fashionable 'faux-hawk'

 

Enjoying the Montreal BioDome

Family shot at the BioDome

Yes. We really did leave him just sitting in the snow while we cleared the frozen pond (so we could skate on it).  He enjoyed his little command post, really!

Lovin the snow with Daddy!  I guess there IS a bit of ontario in his veins

First bites of cake.  Pre-choke-fest.  Then he didn't like it anymore.

OH how we love this little boy and are thankful to God for entrusting him to us! 

Teething Sucks

Teething (def): noun, expletive [TEETHING!], whereby your child becomes inconsolable, fussy, unnecessarily irritable, frustrated, edgy, and generally weepy.  May also be accompanied by lack of eating, lack of sleeping, lack of joy, lack of good humor, lack of acceptance of most methods of parental soothing such as (but not limited to) peak-a-boo, distraction and 'shoosh'-ing.  


How many times must Silas endure this infantile torture?

Silas is 8 months!

I think I say this every month, but it really is hard to believe Silas is 8 months old.  What a precious little boy.  He's so cute, and easy to make laugh.  He loves being around people, being outside, is content jumping, exploring, and is already very curious.

Love him to bits.
Here's some pics of him lately:

He's got a good shocked look

Silas loves being carried in this backpack!  Although, he has a bit too close of access to my hair!

Silas was down for a 'nap' but he kept chatting and chatting, I was wondering what was going on in there....

He moves around a TON in his crib- it's hysterical finding the different positions he's in.

he's a little explorer! Can't just look at flowers- has to touch them!

he has the face of an explorer...

Silas sits really well.  So cute..

Silas says 'da-da-da' and 'ma-ma-ma' and all kinds of sounds.  He is super close to crawling- crawls almost backwards and spins around on his tummy.  He's getting a bit frustrated but he's super fun to watch trying to figure it out.  We'll post video soon.

He eats all his colours of solids- and we'll be starting some proteins soon.  He loves holding his spoon and trying to feed himself his baby mum mums.  He laughs when I play peak-a-boo, when I tickle his knees or when I dangle his soother just out of reach.  I love making him laugh...warms my heart.  He hates being dressed or undressed, loves his bath- and plays with running water, and still hasn't worn shoes cause he kicks them off right away.  He's impossible to put pants on cause he wiggles so much, does pretty well in the car, and is still only waking once a night.  He has 2 naps now instead of 3, goes to bed at 8, and wakes up early (at 8).  Silas does well at the nursery at church and doesn't seem to mind to have others look after him.  But he recognizes mom and dad and is so happy to see us when we come get him!

So fun to watch him change and grow!  Can't wait to see him crawl!

What being a parent really is: prayers, a bit of anxiety, escorting poop around town

So here's the latest about what's going on with Silas' poop saga.  (If squeamish, skip ahead to last few lines of post).  I figure this would have been an extensive facebook post so I thought I'd explain the whole situation here.

About 6/7 weeks ago Silas went from 1 poop a day to about 6/7.  This was a bit odd, and well, not good. However, I had just started a new medication so we thought it might be the meds.  After a week of that, went to my GP for his 4 month checkup and they said he wasn't growing all that well and that maybe I should stop the meds.  Stopped them.  After a about 2 weeks, no change.  Went back to the doctor, this time to a local clinic, and he gave me some containers to collect a stool sample.  (Was a bit of a disaster but we managed, eventually to get some...) Ended up having to escort the poop to surrey, 40 min drive, to drop it off at the right lab (?)  We awaited test results, didn't hear anything forever.  At this point things had seemed to turn around for Silas in that he started to gain a bit better, was eating better, I was less concerned.  He was pooping 1-4 times a day, still mucousy and 'off' but we were thinking it was getting better.

Test results came back saying it wasn't bacterial, not viral, but there WAS mucous in the stool (yup, could tell), By this point we had asked for a pediatrician appointment from my GP (not until August could I get in?) and this idea was confirmed by our local medical clinic doctor who said that mucous in the stool, without any other problems (bacteria etc) was very strange indeed and we should see a specialist.  I was choosing not to look anything up about it and give it to God or else I'd worry a lot (what IS going ON?)  A few days later the clinic called us back and said, actually, come back in, there WAS a bacteria that showed up on the lab test. Took 10 days to grow the bacteria, and it's so rare, that they don't usually expect it to came back positive.   I posted about that yesterday, bacteria known as Yersinia.  Strange indeed.  You get it from food-borne/food-poisoning or animals (???)  Clinic doc said that the only way to treat it was with an antibiotic that is not usually recommended for small babes like him- only one kind he could take.  So yesterday, he left it up to us.  We were on the fence and thinking, since it should just 'fix itself' that we'd keep watching him and let it go for awhile longer without treatment.

But then there was today.

Had two more huge, mucousy stools this am and had blood in his diaper today. Ugh.  Trying not to panic...called my family doctor, back we went to my GP.  She called a pediatrician on call and they both together said, yes, do what the other clinic doctor said, and treat it.  It's been going on too long and he's still not really growing well at all (only 2 ounces per week, if that).

So that's what we're doing.  Going to try the antibiotics and hope that the antibiotics don't cause diarrhea and/or other ailments.

Pray he gets better!!!

Sigh.  Parenting.  He's teething and miserable, or happy and having bloody poop.  Good thing I had nothing in particular planned today!  Gave myself lots to worry about and a trip to the doctor to fill the time!

Silas at 3 months old!

Another month old and Silas keeps on changing! Here are some more of his 'firsts' and a few little tidbits that we've learned about him over this past month:

He went for his first hike, went to the states for the first time, and is the proud owner of a canadian passport. (I will post his hilarious passport photo pictures soon)

Silas can hold up his head quite well so after a mega-find of a $5 jolly jumper at a kids item swap meet, we put him in. He loves it! Tee hee, and we got our first video of him starting to fall asleep in it (hours and hours of entertainment ahead!) Only problem is that while in the jolly jumper he spits up. A lot.

He has developed, perhaps a not so good habit, of only wanting to nap in the swing or in the moving stroller/car. Hmmm must try and rectify this habit soon!

We are celebrating his discovery of his thumb to suck on. Hopefully now that he has accomplished this milestone, he won't suck on the soother, spit it out, make mom and dad put it back in, etc etc. (Although, maybe when he's 10 I may regret this mini-celebration?)

He is still mr. wiggly and mr. chatty. He loves just lying on his back cooing/screaming with delight as I talk to him, and trying to propel himself around by kicking off of me. Here is a video of him chatting away.

Silas is starting to more often sleep 'through the night' aka from 10:30 to 5:30. Not bad at all!

However, it seems he's a morning person. (arg). He is awake at 8:00 and ready to start the day. He gets a little mad at me when I am lying in bed not playing with him, while he is kicking and screeching beside me, ready to 'get going!'

When he smiles, it's like his whole body smiles with him!

Sometimes he squaks and screeches with delight so loudly that he makes himself cough!

Silas can blow bubbles!

He doesn't mind being held by most anyone, and loves to see what mommy and daddy are up to.

Wow. Hard to believe this little guy, with his sweet little chunky cheeks is the same guy

I gave birth to three months ago! He's changed so much already...and I love him more and more!

Bad mother alert

I've had a few 'incidents' recently that deserve to be mentioned. First one:

Jason and I finally took baby Silas for his first hike! (It's about time, considering his name means 'man of the forest' afterall!). So, as most parents know, it took a bit of finesse, timing, luck, and coordination to get him out the door and make sure he would sleep in the car on the way to the hike (since awake silas + carseat = no fun for parents). We got there (phew) and he had slept the whole way. I whipped out lunch in due time and gave him a little feed in the back of our very functional mini-va* er, I mean cuv (car utility vehicle). We bundled him all up in two sleepers and our great go-go baby wrap slapped onto Jason's chest. (Btw, great investment because J can truly experience what I felt like for 9 months carrying a person on the front of my torso). And presto, as we started walking along our favourite buntzen lake trail whamo- he was asleep! (Point 1 for mommy and daddy).

So we thoroughly enjoyed our almost 3 hour walk around this lake. It felt like a date- with baby sleeping soundly with his little 'bee' hat on and us chatting away. Minding our own business (while pleasantly greeting passersby) we kept debating 'hat on' or 'hat off.' Sometimes it would seem really warm and since Silas was bundled all close up to Daddy it was 17 degrees, he seemed plenty warm enough....so at a few points we took off the hat so his head could get a bit of a breeze since his cheeks look kinda flushed.

Well. We passed a lady on the path who gave us this very disapproving look and said "babies should ALWAYS wear a hat," as she walked past us. Not only did she give us that look, but said that in the most condescending voice EVer. THEN as we kept walking, feeling as though we'd been slapped in the face, she said ANOTHER comment something to the effect of "shame on you."

I have never felt so judged and speechless at the same time. Who? What the? What just happened here? Bad mommy, bad (but even though apparently my child's entire health and well-being was apparently at stake at that moment, I wanted to almost not put the hat back on just to spite her).

Incident #2.

We were back at the car, still reeling and we had put Silas in the trunk, lying on his back so he could kick for awhile and enjoy his little self before we put him back again into the dreaded car seat. A lady walked clear across the parking lot and came over and started cooing and ooing at Silas and touching him. WOAH lady. Am I a bad mom that it kind of freaks me out a bit when perfect strangers touch my son all over? I mean, where have their hands been? Did they use the public pit toilets and there was no soap and so they just used water... ?? Is it bad I want to offer people a mask and hand sanitizer before they enter Silas' zone? I never really had strangers 'rub my belly' although, when people did, it didn't really bother me. But THIS does. Shouldn't people ask? Am I a bad mommy for not wanting people to goo and gaah and touch my perfectly clean and non-contaminated little boy?

Ugh. Parenting. Since when does it open invitation for any and all opinions and since when does that give people liberality to touch and coddle my son? I guess I should lighten up a bit. Maybe I'm a bit cranky from lack of sleep (actually, I KNOW I'm cranky from lack of sleep).

before Incident #2

Before Incident #1

flexibility

This is how my morning yesterday was supposed to go:
silas was asleep so I made some lemon scones (yummy), got a cup of HOT coffee ready, sat down with my Bible....to have some good quiet time:

This is how my morning actually went...

I sat down, ready to eat that first scrumptuous

bite, and to sip my hot coffee- wrote two words

on my journal page...and Silas woke up crying,

screaming in fact. The rest of the morning

I was trying to figure out what was wrong. Fed him,

took him for a long walk in the stroller

to get him to sleep etc.

Ha ha. Parenting is ALL about flexibility.

Life without hubby

This week Jason goes away for 4 days for a work conference. WHAT WILL I DO? Oh boy. Makes me think a lot about single parents. How do they do it? It's so nice to have someone else around to hold Silas for a bit so I can get things done, or just give my shoulder a break.

Stay tuned to see how I fare...

Silas at 2months!

So what does a two month old DO?

Silas started smiling a number of weeks ago and smiles when I sing to him, or when Jason or I talk to him. I call his change table his 'happy place' because almost immediately after I place him there he starts smiling and cooing!

He has found his right hand and tries to suck on it (often shoving the whole thing in his mouth!). He has started batting at hanging toys and loves his new play mat I found at a kids used item swap meet. He likes his bath, after he gets used to the water, and loves sleeping in his swing, in the moving car, or on daddy's chest, and enjoys going for walks with mom. He is a soother addict.

He is a LOUD crier and always cries when I try to burp him. And burp he does! Others have commented he burps like a grown man!

He spits up A LOT and we go through a ton of receiving blankets and sleepers. The other day I had to change my pants, my shirt (twice) and my socks (?) from all his spit up!

He is now getting distracted while eating and seems to LOVE looking at blinds (?)

His cheeks are nice and full and his tummy super round. He loves to kick and punch often his mom being the recipient. (Jason was shocked the other day to see how much he pummels me when he eats!) When is on his back he kicks a ton, and practically moves himself around because of his kicks.

He doesn't like tummy time all that much, but is able to lift his head quite well. He enjoys playing by himself on the play mat and will sit there cooing and making noises until he is tired.

We can't stop kissing his little head (which is now growing back a little more light brown hair) and we wonder what his eye colour will be as they still just look dark.

He has started sleeping a bit longer at night (yahoo) but still doesn't really enjoy daytime naps. He rarely sleeps unless we put a blanket over his head as he just seems to want to look around and see everything!

It's amazing to see how much this little boy has taken over our world after only 2 months!!!

Sleepless

I knew there was a lot to adjust to in new motherhood- however, the WAYS I have had to adjust I never expected. Dealing with insomnia night after night has been sooo frustrating, and I never expected to have issues with it. Since week three I have struggled with getting to sleep or getting back to sleep after feeding Silas. He's been sleeping well- sometimes even for 4 hours straight! But then I'm lying there in bed, staring at the ceiling. This has been a huge trial and hurdle. I have done everything in the book to help me get to sleep- wine, gravol, other sleeping pills, baths, walks, massages, etc etc etc. I feel so helpless and frustrated, and that I'm somehow not 'cutting it' as a mother. I'm supposed to be the one up all night feeding and taking care of Silas so that Jason can get a good nights' rest and go to work the next day and he's often needing to stay up to put him back to sleep or feed him a bottle of expressed milk just so I can somehow manage to get a minimum amount of sleep. When will this end????? I can't nap (have never been able to...) I just pray and hope that this doesn't go on forever and that Silas somehow manages to start sleeping longer in the night cause I'm not sure how long I can manage like this.

Who knew that sleep could be so difficult to achieve? I have never struggled with it before in my life- used to hit the pillow and I'd be out. Now I often sleep lightly- dreaming like crazy, restless. Or I lie there waiting for him to feed again so I have an excuse to be awake. I never knew the lack of sleep could have such ramifications on my life. The nights I sleep, I have the most amazing days afterwards. The sun is shining, I'm smiling and productive, loving my son and my life. The nights I don't sleep I'm emotional the next day, unproductive and lazy, impatient with my son, and generally discouraged and weepy.

Ugh. I never knew this was going to be a factor in new parenthood. I knew that I would get less sleep- but 2 hours a night sometimes? Lord help me.

First times

Some fun 'first times' in the world of Silas Gabriel:

My first time wearing a clown nose (he looked so ridiculous with that massive thing on his face!).

First time receiving important mail with my very own name on it! (Yes! Now that he has his social insurance number he can start contributing around here...ha ha)

First time visiting the ocean! Too bad I can't see that far and the edge of my baby seat was in the way... (we spent a beautiful day in west vancouver visiting out of town friends from south korea!)

First ridiculous hat my parents made me wear... but Mom kept saying that I looked so cute in this bumblebee hat and my yellow sleeper...(poor child)