From 1 kid to two- What's the Difference?

A few friends have had babies recently and it's been good medicine for me.  I've gotten to the '6 month magic mark' where Toby had me thinking that having babies is easy and gosh, they're just so darn cute, I should have another- right?  Having friends with newborns (you know who you are) reminds me that it's not all fun and games;  especially the first time around.  I had a super hard time adjusting to new mom-hood for various reasons including (but not limited to): staying at home isolated all day, didn't feel confident in what I was doing, felt easily insecure when asking for advice, it was physically hard on my body, I hated adjusting to no sleep, unexpected health issues postpartum, having a baby I couldn't figure out etc etc. 

Nonetheless, for all you moms of one (or dads) wondering what the difference is between 1 and 2 kids, here's the lowdown.  Now, most of this is humorous and just me reflecting on my parenting habits, but there's definitely some degree of truth in it.  So here goes:

with one child [1:]

with two children [2:]

[1:] "Honey, let's swap off for awhile. Could you just take him so I can have an hour to myself?"      

[2:] "Okay you get #1 and I'll get #2." [Both hands on deck].

[1:] "I can't believe he only slept for 2 hours, I barely got anything done!"        

[2:] "They're both asleep?  At the same time?  For 30 minutes? Praise God- it's a miracle! I'm gonna sit here and stare at the wall and do nothing."

[1:] "Oh, this shirt is a bit too small [0.5 cm too small], let's pull some new stuff out!  Yay!"   

[2:] "Arg, this doesn't fit anymore?! Oh well, I don't want to dig the boxes out yet.  It will do."

[1:] "I should weigh him again, it's been two days"             

[2:] "I should weigh him again, it's been 3 months"

[1:] "Let's see, he's 4 months old so I have a few months to research about introducing solids.  I'll make a bunch of pureed, homemade solids ahead of time, introduce them one at a time, wait three days to make sure he has no allergies, I'll be really careful...I can't wait to start, it will be so fun!"

[2:] "Crap!  He's 7 months and I haven't even thought about introducing solids!  What a pain!  Here's a bit of what we're eating.  Whatever, he'll be fine.  Better yet, here's a whole banana.  I can't believe I have to clean up this ridiculous mess 5 times a day, nursing is so much easier.  Think I could wait a month...?"

[1:] "I can't believe he's not even rolling yet!  He's so behind! Look at all the other kids, they're crawling already..." 

[2:]  "What?!  He's rolling?  Stop him! STOP HIM!  He's walking? That's so unfair!  At 9 months?!"

[1:] "It's so boring sitting here nursing all day."

[2:] "So nice to sit still and nurse.  I can just relax for a minute."

[1:] "Oops, you got a teeny, tiny drop of food on your shirt!  Better change you!"

[2:] "There's a spot he hasn't yet dirtied on his shirt.  Good to go until next week."

[1:] "I wish he had someone to play with, he always needs me!"  

[2:] "Why can't they just leave each other alone?!"

[1:] "He's never going to be a year.  This year is soooo long." 

[2:]  "He's almost a year?!  What happened? Where did my little newborn go?"

[1:] "I will never ____________ [insert anything here]" 

[2:] "I will do whatever, and I mean WHATEVER works"

[1:] "I don't want to start a bad habit..."

[2:] "We can break that habit later."

[1:] [Looking at people with more than one kid]: "How do they do it? It's impossible, I can't imagine ever doing this again."

[2:] You just do it.  Somehow.

[1:] "What did we do with all our time before having a kid?"

[2:]  "What did we do with all our time when we only had one kid?"

[1:] "At least if I have a second child I'll know what I'm doing."

[2:] "What did we do last time?  I can't remember anything..."

[1:] "I hate the baby stage. I'm pretty sure I'll like all the other ones better.  I'm just not a baby person."

[2:] "I love the baby stage.  They are soooo easy.  Toddlers are haaaard." 

How have your parenting thoughts changed from 1 to multiple kids?  [Those with twins, well, you are in a whole other league].  This post is not to make those with 1 feel like what you're enduring is not hard.  Cause it is.  Really really really hard.  Somehow with the second it's not that it gets easier but you get wiser, certain things fall to the wayside, you know that this truly truly will be only a season, and you just get through it (again).

                                                                                               

Financial Formula

I wrote a post recently about being intentional and my mind has been buzzing around thinking of ways to be more thought-out, more researched, more intentional about my choices and decisions.  One area that needs a serious over-haul is the way that I spend money.  We have made some wise choices along the way and wouldn't consider ourselves excessive spenders by any means, but there is definitely fine tuning that needs to happen.  I am not good at waiting.  I hate researching.  I am a compulsive buyer. I don't like price comparing.  I don't like going from store to store to find the best deal.  However, with us thinking about how I could work less, and with hubs being in ministry, pennies need to be a little more pinched. 

So I've been thinking of a formula of sorts to help me process expenditures.  Not only do I want to consider how to save money, but I want to be more creative about how I go about buying things that our family needs.  I'm not saying I'll apply this formula every time (because I am an efficiency person and thinking for longer than 10 seconds about a decision is rarely sustainable for me).  But I'll try.  For awhile.  And tell you how it goes.

I'm going to ask myself these questions before I race off to buy something, or pick it off the shelf, or even look at all:
1. Is this really something we need? (I know, obvious, but still a good question).
2. Is there something else we already own that could work for this purpose? [Our TV shelf became our dining room 'hutch' with some re-purposing]. 
3. Could I make it?[Been thinking about making this to save money]    
4. Could I buy this used or borrow it? [I was at Scoop & Save today, an amazing cake decorating store and found out that you can rent cake pans for 2 bucks a day!  Genius!  This inspired my 'borrow it' point.  You just never know what you can borrow!]
5. If I can't avoid buying it and can't find it used, where could I buy it locally?  Or even better, from more ethical places?  [I went to Ten Thousand Villages today and was floored by the incredible amount of interesting, unique, and fair trade gifts there.  If I'm gonna buy someone a gift, why not from there?]

What are your great money saving tips?

7 years of wedded bliss

It's been a ride hasn't it?  Cannot believe that 7 brief years ago I was walking down the aisle to your handsome face beaming at me with those bright blue eyes.  We were a bit naive to the things we'd endure over these years, but I wouldn't change them.  You're my best friend still and I don't know how it is that I can continue falling deeper in love with you- but I am.

So here's a little tribute:
Married for 7 years

 (our Costa Rican honeymoon.  P.S. babe- you still have the same swimsuit.  Think it's time for a new one?)

White flesh on a motorbike.  Good times.

Explored, served, learned, and adventured for 6 months in West Africa 

We've moved 5 times 

[Fort Langley, New West, Surrey, Burkina, Surrey, Walnut Grove!]
we traveled around 4 European countries 

[Switzerland, France, Spain and Italy]

You've helped me through 3 major surgeries, helping, holding, comforting, caring, bringing, praying...you are a better nurse than me I think.

 
 
We've had 2 beautiful sons we are so blessed and I am SO blessed to have such a caring, loving, supportive father of my children. Two thumbs up for living in a house full of blonde headed boys.

You are 1 fine man Jason Brink, 

[my 1 true love]

O, the times we've had.  Lots of laughing, crying, sleepless nights, prayers prayed, camping trips, long car rides, exploring cities, Bible schooling, making new friends, hosting, hiking, biking trips, crazy flights, learning together, making a home, renovating a home, trips to zoos, fancy restaurants and to Ontario... ministering together, meetings, leading and feeding others.  The list could go on...

Here's to many more adventurous years together: living, learning, leaning on each other

 loving

'Tis the Season

Went to the pumpkin/apple tree farm today.  It was fun for the most part.  The drive was long, but I think the boys had a great time!  Wagon rides, playgrounds, animal petting zoo, apple picking, apple-cider-slushie drink, sunshine, dirt, pumpkins- how could they not like it?  I wonder sometimes though, if it's illegal to text while drive, how is it also not illegal to dangerously toss toys, food scraps, and other things back at your children in car-seats in order to avoid the inevitable energy crash that ensues on a long drive?  Yikes.  I was swerving along trying to placate escalating children with snacks and distractions on the way home.  Worked up a sweat, but we made it.

Anyways.

At the end of this random adventure I get to update my open shelves with some cutey pie pumpkins in honour of our upcoming 7th year wedding anniversary (they were part of our table decor).  Oh.  And we picked and ate apples. Yum.

 What am I supposed to do with those things?!

 The goats were eager to make friends but Toby wasn't game

Toby LOVED the wagon ride! 

White pumpkins: thanks for filling in my open shelf decor!

 Like.  A lot.

 Reminds me of our wedding day.  Sigh.

Being Intentional

I'm approaching 28 [insert 'eeeek' here] and, I've had a few 'aha' moments along the way.  One more recent life lesson is about balancing commitments, time management, rest, goal setting, and family.  What is it?  

Few things in life happen by accident.  

I don't mean things that happen to us, cause in that department I believe in a higher power and His sovereignty.  I mean related to personal accomplishments, disciplines, habits, growth and relationships. Maybe it's obvious to some, but for me, I didn't realize how many things need to be so very intentional.  

I can't just stumble into good health and eating habits.  
I can't just relax every evening and kick back and expect to accomplish lofty goals.  
I can't just expect relationships to develop or heal if there is no time or energy or commitment made to them. 
Rest time?  Doesn't happen unless we schedule it.  
Time together as a couple?  Won't take place spontaneously- needs to be carved out.  

All of these things take time and if I don't make time for them, extra time doesn't just come around.

So.  To be 'intentional' Jason and I have started some strategies since early 2012 that are really paying off:

1. Weekly Meetings
This will sound geeky, and it kinda is.  But every Sunday night Jason and I convene over hot drinks, snacks and our computers.  We chat about what's ahead for the week and plan our weekday evenings now that the kids are both in bed at 8.  What nights does one of us want to get some exercise?  What night should we plan a social activity   What are our commitments?   We love this time and keep 'business items' on our weekly agenda list so that when things come up during the week that we don't get time to discuss in full detail, we bring them up at our meeting.  Helps us stay on the same page and more organized.

2.  Rest Day
Things push in on us all the time.  We constantly have to say no to opportunities that we want to take because things always take up more time than we think they will.  That being said, we try try try to keep one day a week that we can rest.  What does this mean for us?  Jason takes the kids for part of the morning so that I can go away and do what I want to do, then we swap.  When kids are napping we get to have a nice lunch together and hang out, then we spend the rest of the day (often) with just the kids and us.  No, this doesn't always happen.  No, we sometimes have this time infringed on.  But, we keep carving this time back out again and are always very glad we made room for rest.

3. Monthly Themes
This is a new one.  We always have areas that we want to grow in, research more about, learn more about, and progress in.  However, it's hard to just carve out an evening here or there when so many other things are also demanding our time.  

For example: finances.  The way we budget and spend needs constant tweeking, analyzing, and evaluating.  Or organization- how we run our home and our responsibilities- things could always be better organized.  Or schooling: how can we plan for Silas' schooling, what could we already be teaching him etc.  

We've decided to have monthly themes for the next little while.  We want to have a month where we focus on finances, on schooling for Silas (and us), a month where we think about ways that we could make things run better in our home (ie. find a good grocery shopping app!), and a month where we research better places to buy local meats, veggies and learn more about how we could adjust our nutrition.  I'm super excited about our monthly themes and hope that it will help us focus, and set goals in each of these areas for the rest of the year.

4. Devotions
This is a tough one.  We are not great at carving out time to do devotions as a family (nor individually).  But we are working on it.  One thing we started to do that is inspired by Jason's Mom and Dad, is to start the habit of reading a Bible story after dinner.  We're impressed (and scared) by how much Silas pays attention and retains things we tell him or experiences we have together as a family.  This has pushed us to really be intentional about speaking scripture with Silas and sharing stories from the Bible.  We're excited to see how this has already changed our mealtimes.  We love having those few extra moments to really hear from Silas and share with him about some important God-lessons.

5. Reflection
This is one for me in particular.  There are a lot of areas I need to grow in personally.  I feel like I'm hitting some kind of mid-life time where I need to really deal with some baggage I'm carrying from the past and press on towards some emotional and spiritual maturity.  Not sure yet what this will look like but I am seriously considering taking some time away for counseling, having a retreat day once a year and have pursued mentorship where I can focus on personal growth.  I also want to be more intentional about choosing good books to read, asking myself some hard questions and being more ready to hear from God about things I need to change.  I'm taking a class at our women's group about wholeness (spiritually, emotionally, physically) and am very excited about some of the things I'm learning there.  Stay posted on this one...

Lastly:
6.  Using what I have
I realize that some of the things I spend money on are quite silly and really, I have the means to do more at home than I realize.  Case in point: I have an espresso machine.  It was generously given to me at my birthday a number of years back (organized by my lovely husband) but I was rarely using it.  Coffee out was starting to add up and I realize I need to cut back.  SO two helpful friends helped show me how to use some of the functions and I'm now really excited about making coffee at home more often!  There are many things like this in my life...I often choose the easy or convenient way when I need to just find a way to make things work that I already have.  We'll see what other ways I find to cut back on spending and do more from home.

Who knew being intentional could be so rewarding and exciting!  I read a book recently too that helped me think more practically about these kinds of things: "the Happiness Project."  Worthwhile read.  I don't agree with some of her basis for things, nor do I agree that her formula will truly satisfy a person but there are a lot of good tips she has on this topic of being more intentional.  

Fall-ing in Love Again

There's something about the fall that makes me appreciate our neighborhood even more than usual.  Maybe it's the winding trails that make running or biking tantamount to life changing.

Maybe it's the silhouette of the mountains, hovering over the rooftops.

Maybe it's the large, mature trees draping over the roadways.

Maybe it's the crunch of leaves under my feet.

Maybe it's the sight of steaming coffee mugs, snuggly scarves, or boots that contribute to my happiness.

Maybe it's the school bell and the sound of children playing that I hear from my back patio, or the coming out of fall decorations from my storage space, or the smell of creamy pumpkin handsoap from b&b works...

or maybe it's the fall, dairy free baking that I get to do in my new kitchen (PTL).

Maybe it's our community events that I look forward to every year like the pumpkin patch, the cranberry festival, our women's weekly breakaway or the kidswap.

Whatever it is- I welcome fall.  You know- the sunny, cool air, cozy days kind of fall.  

Thank you Vancouver for making this fall, yet again, one of my favourite times of year.

Miracle

Rewind a month ago.  There was something terribly wrong in my family.  Silas and I were not getting along at all.  I found myself getting so angry and impatient with him all the time.

I was often disciplining out of anger and felt so easily frustrated.  I was often bitter and mean.

Simultaneously, Silas was not only testing boundaries with me constantly, but it was almost like he disdained me.  He was disrespectful, defiant, and rude.  We were in Ontario visiting family and I found myself often crying about our relationship.  I told Jason that I thought I was losing Silas.  Maybe that sounds extreme, but a real fear was growing inside of me, "What am I doing wrong?  Where will this child end up if this is our relationship?  What foundations is my attitude laying for our future?" I know he's 2 but there was some serious walls that I felt like we had between us.  I even found myself saying to Jason that I had a hard time even liking Silas at all.

It was bad.

Then, Silas started over and over saying "I don't like Mommy."  This broke my heart.  He's 2 but he certainly understands what that means.  I really began crying out to God.  Oh, I had prayed for us but it was more like a "Help God, what do I do?  Give me wisdom!"  sort of prayer.

Then a miracle happened.

One day coming back from a family outing, Silas fell asleep in Oma and Opa's van just before coming home. I decided to carry him into the house but halfway inside Silas seemed really cranky so I just sat in the porch swing with him.  

I was just swinging, and holding him, and cuddling him and was amazed to see that he fell asleep.  And a wave of emotion poured through me.  I began crying over our relationship and all it's fractures.  Welling up inside of me was an overwhelming urge that in this special moment, I needed to pray for him, OVER him, and pray for us.

So I sat there.  I rocked him for over an hour and wept over him, prayed out loud for him, sang to him, and spoke scripture to him.  I felt like I needed to reassure Silas of my love for him and my acceptance of him.  I cried out to God and just asked that He break down whatever spiritual divide or emotional divide was between Silas and I.  I prayed for more patience, for more affection, for more graciousness with Silas.  I prayed that God would restore Silas to me.  And I prayed that God would loose in me an ability to speak of God's love to him.

The time holding Silas was so sweet and precious.  Rarely could I get Silas to let me hug him for more than 5 seconds before this time.

And you know, God answered my prayers.  Immediately, unbelievably, and in such a wonderfully profound way- God answered.  Ever since that time it's like the walls have fallen down.  I find myself understanding Silas better, being more able to reassure and encourage him, and more able to discipline him in a loving way. I find him responding to me, and there is an easy flow of affection between us- more than ever before.  Silas just yesterday was saying "I love you Mommy, you're special," and I am so thankful.  So grateful for this incredible answer to prayer.  

Thank God for his grace in this journey of parenthood.