Silas is 4 months old!

Another month has gone by.  Silas is a little plumper, a little more alert, and a lot of fun!   Here are some new highlights from this month:

Silas went on his first big hike!  We drove 1.5 hours to Squamish, the hike up the Chief took almost 5 hours, and we drove the other 1.5 hours back.  Phew.  Poor Jason carried him all the way up and all the way back.  But, Silas did so well!  He only cried a bit at the end of each leg.  He got to lie down at the top of the mountain and stretch out and he was hilariously happy!

He got to meet his Oma and Opa this month and an aunt and uncle!  Silas got lots of extra  hugs and attention (of which he loved!)

Silas can now touch his knees and is paying more attention to his feet.  He plays with his hands all the time, looks at them, sucks them...  He has started to giggle!  He especially loves being tossed a bit in the air.  He loves his bath time and just figured out how to splash the water with his hands.  He still loves his soother and sucks his thumb. (and He loves being naked)

He still hates his tummy time, although his mom is trying to encourage him to do it more and more.  But, he LOVES his jolly jumper still.  He often spends at least an hour at a time in there (spitting up on himself all along, while smiling and cooing)

He got to help mom and dad plant a garden!  (He helped by sleeping in the shade of a fort that they built for him).

Silas also just got dedicated at our Church!  He never seems to mind being held by other people and so had no problems going to the pastor.  He didn't even spit up on him!  (Woohoo!  He always needs to wear a bib because of his massive spit-ups).  The photo below was after the dedication, in our backyard.

Silas usually goes to bed between 9:00 and 10:30 and sleeps until 5:30 or 6.  His daddy is a champion and gets up at night to give him some expressed milk so that mommy can sleep (way to go J!)  He also bought his mom a beautiful bouquet of flowers for mother's day and an appointment with the massage therapist.

He still loves to make noise, and be where mom or dad are.  He doesn't enjoy walks in the stroller as much  as he used to, but he does love being outside, lying on a blanket, watching the leaves rustle.

Another first:  he went to Granville Island for the first time! (And slept through a lot of it):

Here's one of my favorite outfits on him (it says King of the Jungle)

Silas is a joy and blessing!  Wow, hard to believe it's been 4 months, but then, we don't really remember life without him!  Love you little man!

What's motherhood like?

Many have asked me what these past 4 months have been like for me.  What's motherhood like?  How IS motherhood?  I think I've finally thought of my answer:

Motherhood is more
More of everything
More
tears, and effort, tiredness and terror
More
happy times, and confused times, proud times and weak times
More
joy and excitement, laughter and surprise
More
weariness and fatigue, insecurity and bewilderment
More
work than you ever thought
More
worth than you ever imagined
More
sacrifice, and patience
More
learning and growing
More
love overflowing
More
kisses on little fingers, toes, head and nose...
More
of everything
I am more blessed each day by this gift of my son
and more overwhelmed by my incapability to steward my responsibility- alone
Motherhood is more than I ever imagined it would be in all the great ways, in all the hard ways, and in all the ways in-between
Motherhood is more
than I ever thought it would be

Quotes for the day

Three coincidentally/supernaturally colliding quotes that have spoke to me in the last 24 hours

1. Betty Spackman (artist, incredible speaker): "Because He (the gardener, aka God), loves us, and those who will benefit from what we WILL have to offer, He keeps returning to us, to prune us"
I heard this at an event at my Church last night about the creative arts or fruit God will bring out of us, if we wait upon Him to develop our characters.

2. Beth Moore (speaker, writer, Bible study writer - of which I am now doing) "Satan had a sieve.  Christ had a purpose, the two collided.  Satan got used.  Peter got sifted.  For reasons only our wise, trustworthy God knows, the most effective and long lasting way He could get the Simon out of Peter was a sifting by Satan.  He was right.  You see, the One who called us is faithful, and He will do whatever it takes to sanctify us to fulfill our callings."

3.  Author unknown, poem about the butterfly.  Essentially, a man saw a butterfly struggling to get out of its cocoon so he grabbed some scissors and cut it so the butterfly could get out.  But, that ended up preventing the butterfly from developing wings, so he crawled the rest of his life.  "What the man, in kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required to get through the tiny opening were God's ways of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved freedom.  Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.  If God allowed us to go through life without obstacles it would cripple us.  We would not be as strong as we could have been.  And we would never fly."

Noticing a theme anyone?

Learning from Job

God doesn't have to explain why He allows trails and sufferings in our lives.  In fact, He may never explain, never reveal, and never justify the struggles He allows in our lives.  He doesn't even have to ask permission to use both good and bad to shape and form us (anymore than He has to justify why both sun and rain are needed to grow life on earth).  These are hard facts for me to swallow.  I am blessed beyond anything I deserve in that I have Christ with me in all my sufferings.  I am blessed beyond so many who have no hope and are in despair because they have not His promise that Christ will not leave or forsake them amidst their darkest valleys of life.  Yet somehow I still kick and scream, cry and wail when trouble comes my way.  I still do not naturally sing "all of my life, in every season, You are still God and I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship" or as ginny owens sang "if all of these trials, bring me closer to you- then I will go through the fire if you want me to."  In some ways it can make troubles seem harder when, as a believer, I know that God loves me and yet has still allowed these trials to come.  But again, I am still just supposed to trust, let go of my fears and doubts, and hold on to Him.  I'm to crawl if I must, nose to the dust, just to reach and hold onto the hem of His robe, cling to Him with and for my very life.  Tell me this gets easier as trials come again and again? How many trials will it take for me to learn to trust Him?

An image of our recent hike comes to mind.  Jason was climbing down the mountainside- holding onto the chains, clinging to the rocks, and I was practically in tears worrying about him losing his footing and going crashing to the ground with Silas strapped to his chest.  But there was Silas, snug, warm, sleeping next to Jason's chest, unaware of all that was going on around him.  My Father's feet are sure.  They will not slip.  He does not make mistakes, He does not tumble, He has no regrets.  He sees and knows every crack and crevasse and I am to just lie asleep next to His chest.  I am to allow what comes, sing and praise Him in all the struggles, and know that God is God.  His reasons are beyond my understanding.  His knowledge is too much for me to bear.  I do not need to know why or how long, or what for.  I need only to trust that He is enough for me today.

Lord help me.  This trial is much, much more than I can bear alone.  As Job said in 6:11 “But I don’t have the strength to endure.  I have nothing to live for.  Do I have strength of a stone?  Is my body made of bronze?  No, I am utterly helpless, without any chance of success.”  

I have what Job did not- Christ in me, the hope of glory.  He is my only chance of success through the fires of this life.

So I surrendor to You.  I surrendor my life.  I surrendor all.  Not that you need my permission, but I give it to You God.  Do what you will, have Your way, use this trial or any other suffering.  Just bring me closer to You, make me more like You.

My Favourite Silas'

1. Jolly-jumper-Silas: he can spend almost an hour in there, bouncing, spinning, prancing, swinging - all while spitting up almost continuously and/or drooling.  He usually has this lopsided grin, especially when he sees himself in the mirror while jumping (so cute).
2. Sleepy-just-woken-up-Silas:  I love picking him up after he's just barely woken up.  He arches his back quite far to stretch, is warm and cuddly, smacks his lips, grunts, and barely opens his eyes (so precious).
3. Thumb-and-or-hand-sucking-Silas:  He is constantly working on getting those hands of his or any part of his hands or fingers into his mouth.  He drools all over the place and often ends up with just his thumb hanging in there (so funny).
4. Screechy-until-I-make-myself-cough-Silas: Today we laid him out on a few blankets on the grass while at Stanley Park and he was just screeching away happily.  He's so loud, kicking away, happy as a clam (so entertaining).
5. Sleeping-Silas: He often sleeps with his hands up in the "I surrendor" or "I'm unarmed" position.  His head is to one side, and sometimes his hands are all caught up in his blanket and his soother is smashed into the side of his cheek (so peaceful).
6. Soother-indented-face-Silas: the other day we had left the soother in while he slept in a baby wrap on me and forgot to take it out.  When we finally did, he had this red mark all around his mouth like a clown mouth (so priceless)

Needless to say, this kid has many sides to him, and I am falling in love with them all!

weary traveler

A lot has happened over the last number of weeks but the one thing that always seems to stand out, is whether or not I'm sleeping.  I know, I know, everyone's sick to death about hearing about my woes, and so am I.  No one likes hearing about suffering without the silver lining.  But how does someone, like myself, isolated in this world of sleeplessness, suffer alone?  Aren't we all struggling with something? Am I the only one?  I am realizing one thing for sure about myself: I LIKE looking put together.  In fact, I approach house cleaning in the same way I approach myself.  Anytime someone is coming over I get struck with this fear that I will be 'found out.'  What if they discover that I am secretly a closet slob who puts up the facade of cleanliness?  I sweep, I dust, I straighten drawers, rearrange fridges when I know that guests are coming.  I want to look put together.  I want to look like a young mom who has her hair done, coffee in hand, perfectly kept child and home....but here's the big new: I'M A MESS.  That's the honest truth.  I don't know what's going on with Silas most of the time- I guess.  My home is not orderly.  My hair is not well kept, my make-up is left undone.  I am a mess and I am a desperate believer, crying out to God for help to get through each day.  I am anxious, I cry a lot, and I pray and that this suffering will pass.   So there you have it.  That's my life.  That's how I am dealing with trials. I have a wonderful son, husband, and family, and am well provided for- so I probably shouldn't complain.  But I hope that soon, and VERY soon, I can learn whatever lesson it is God has for me in this season of desperation so that I don't have to walk this road again (or at least, not for awhile)  p.s.  is anyone else in the midst of a suffering?  If so- know that I'm someone you can talk to (cause I'm in it too).  Lord have mercy on us!

Silas at 3 months old!

Another month old and Silas keeps on changing! Here are some more of his 'firsts' and a few little tidbits that we've learned about him over this past month:

He went for his first hike, went to the states for the first time, and is the proud owner of a canadian passport. (I will post his hilarious passport photo pictures soon)

Silas can hold up his head quite well so after a mega-find of a $5 jolly jumper at a kids item swap meet, we put him in. He loves it! Tee hee, and we got our first video of him starting to fall asleep in it (hours and hours of entertainment ahead!) Only problem is that while in the jolly jumper he spits up. A lot.

He has developed, perhaps a not so good habit, of only wanting to nap in the swing or in the moving stroller/car. Hmmm must try and rectify this habit soon!

We are celebrating his discovery of his thumb to suck on. Hopefully now that he has accomplished this milestone, he won't suck on the soother, spit it out, make mom and dad put it back in, etc etc. (Although, maybe when he's 10 I may regret this mini-celebration?)

He is still mr. wiggly and mr. chatty. He loves just lying on his back cooing/screaming with delight as I talk to him, and trying to propel himself around by kicking off of me. Here is a video of him chatting away.

Silas is starting to more often sleep 'through the night' aka from 10:30 to 5:30. Not bad at all!

However, it seems he's a morning person. (arg). He is awake at 8:00 and ready to start the day. He gets a little mad at me when I am lying in bed not playing with him, while he is kicking and screeching beside me, ready to 'get going!'

When he smiles, it's like his whole body smiles with him!

Sometimes he squaks and screeches with delight so loudly that he makes himself cough!

Silas can blow bubbles!

He doesn't mind being held by most anyone, and loves to see what mommy and daddy are up to.

Wow. Hard to believe this little guy, with his sweet little chunky cheeks is the same guy

I gave birth to three months ago! He's changed so much already...and I love him more and more!