Why would I quit now?
Sure, it pays a little less. Sure, it takes up many many evenings and created some stress, sure it is only a temporary contract but why on earth would I give it up for shift-work on a unit at the hospital when I'm hating nights and disliking the particular unit I'm on?
I have been wrestling over this decision for days and it came down to pride and wisdom.
Pride: I have to admit, I may like the honour of teaching, the prestige and title of teaching, even more than the actual teaching. Silly right? For the first time in my recent career, I felt like I was taking a leap, and felt pride in even being able to do the work of teaching. I liked that rush of saying "look what I'm up to."
Pride was getting in the way of wisdom. For us right now, in this season, I need to work less and get paid more. Shift work provides that opportunity. Greater pay, and the work stays at work. Silas starts pre-school and I want to be there to drop him off and pick him up. I want to be available for him in this transition. We also have a hundred other commitments that start up in the fall, I didn't want to go into the fall already being stressed and overwhelmed.
This term has been an incredibly joy-filled ride. I've been exhausted at the end of most days but in a good way. At home with the boys, at school, at work in the hospital, working late at night for the kids swap ministry at church and on BCIT marking etc. I loved the fullness and meaningfulness of these crazy 5 months.
But I'm not sure I have that kind of energy again. Something's gotta give.
It's hard to let it go though. I can't do it all and this season is requiring some personal sacrifice of career aspirations. But, I'm trusting if this is the direction God wants me to head in, if I'm meant to end up in teaching, He'll resurrect that dream again. Until then...
One thing is for sure though: even though I don't really like the unit I work on, or the type of nursing I'm doing, I still find incredible joy and pleasure in serving patients in the hospital. I love nursing for so many reasons and am so thankful I can still do what I really love to do: caring for the sick, the dying, the lonely, the forgotten, the broken, the bleeding, and the hurting. What an incredible career He's called me into. Praise God!