Below is a highlight reel of my recent failures. You know, those moments that you think, if this was a reality TV show I would be rich, famous, and on the cover of tabloids?:
-Trying to pee in a public bathroom, with Fiona strapped on me in a carrier, only to realize that I was walking out of the bathroom with my skirt still hiked up to my hips. Brilliant.
-Thinking I'm a champion (I actually said this) to walk all the way to Church with the kids on their bikes, only to have three screaming kids all the way home. And it was a loooong way folks. Worst. Idea. Ever.
-Fiona spitting up all the way down my shirt, pants, and all over my friends' couch. Didn't even change my shirt all evening because I forgot. Gross.
-In my rush to get Toby on the potty after Silas did his business, mis-judged where Toby's leg was and splashed his leg down into the poop. Yes. That's right. And it splashed up all over me and the walls. Awesome.
-Realizing I left not one, not two, not three, but FOUR dirty baby diapers strewn about my bedside table from night time feedings. Just keepin' it real.
-Getting yelled at by a random stranger in the grocery store for leaving Silas in the grocery cart for ten seconds while I ran to grab some oats. The best feeling ever (not).
-And this one is for the girls (boys, shield your eyes). Racing to the running room store to get fitted for a new sports bra only to get let-down in the change room. Yes, that's right, bare-chested and holding my nipples so that I wouldn't spray milk all over the mirror, wiping with a half-used snot-covered kleenex found in my purse. All the while, the bra saleswoman yelling through the door "how are you doing in there?" "Just fine, thanks!" While I'm drip, dripping milk on the floor. I'm all glamour these days.
This, my friends, is life with 3 children. Carrying a baby while wiping a toddler's bum, trying to settle said baby to sleep while screaming boys are downstairs, out the door and bashing each other in the head with cars. I'm amazed my head hasn't exploded off my neck yet and that I haven't been arrested for indecent exposure for my nursing bra being left un-attached and flapping away, my children pooping in random parks, and accidentally mooning a whole park full of small children after using a public restroom with a baby strapped on.
This. Is. Real. Life.
Smile for the camera!
"Help me, I am a third child and am probably crying somewhere, on the floor, unattended"