I have this little boy. He's not so little anymore. He can ride a bike without training wheels, write his alphabet, and get his own cereal in the morning. He's growing up and in most ways, I couldn't be happier. I love his newfound independence. I love watching him feel pride in building something from his imagination, or asking profound and thoughtful questions, or 'teaching' his brother something he feels he is the expert in. He tries to mask his little-ness. He says big words and asks big questions and is puffed up by his great and mighty skills compared to his 'littler' brother Toby.
He tries to hide behind a bigger boy version of himself, but sometimes, the little boy comes popping out again. Sometimes, I see this innocence and sweetness that I just want to capture and keep in my heart forever. Cause I know that this little boy will one day be completely overtaken by a big boy, and then engulfed by a teenaged boy, and then be replaced with a man.
Weeks ago I went for a walk and wanted to communicate to Silas how I think about him and love him and how God loves him. As I was walking along I saw these little leaves, which are everywhere, and look like little hearts. I knew he'd like one. So I came home from my walk and said to him, "Look what I found in the forest Silas! These hearts were everywhere! It's like God wanted to show us how much he loved us and hid hearts all over the forest so we won't forget!"
I guess that little lesson stuck. Cause now, whenever we are out, Silas finds heart leaves. He hides them behind his back and comes running up to me with a huge grin and says, "look mom! A heart leaf!"
And a few weeks back, the little boy Silas came along for a hike with J and I. He gathered as many little heart leaves as he could in his hands and proclaimed "look at all this love, Mom!" He was running along the path proclaiming, "so much love!" "love everywhere!" "And guess what? God knows just how many heart leaves there are in all the world!"
'So much love.' Only a boy can win over his Mom with words like that.
You are deeply loved, little boy, now and forever.