Clarity

I don't really enjoy running.  I mean, I do it cause I think it's a good idea.  Good for my health, you know, etc.  I decided 'for kicks' to sign up for this 10 km run this saturday.  In Silas' words "hmmm, that's funny."  I haven't hardly kept to the training regimen and most times I go running it's a mental workout trying to convince myself to keep running.  "Why am I running?  I don't even like this!  How much further?"  But then, there are the times like last night:  clear, chilled air filling my chest.  Arms pumping, feet moving, muscles aching, and I feel alive.  I mean, really alive.  My favourite part is when my breathing gets easier and all of a sudden all the thoughts that were barraging my mind settle into their quiet corners and I can just be still.  Really be still. Inside. 

That's when I find God speaks to my heart.  This is how He did last night:

I was struggling at different points in my run but then this song came on.  It's beat was exactly the pace I needed to be at.  Thump, thump, thump.  It helped me get into a stride, a breathing rhythm and set me at a comfortable pace. It helped me keep going up some steep hills, and down some long, straight stretches.  It kept me moving, inspired me, rejuvenated me, brought joy into the arduous task of running. And it occurred to me that God is that song.  Oh, I can dance alright, the mechanics anyways.   I can dance without music all day, moving, flailing, doing.  I can move and swing and put on a show.  I can dance without the music of God.  But how much better is a run with music on?  How much better is dancing?  How much more abundant is life with the song of God turned up loudly in my ears?  When it (He) fills, inspires, and brings life into the movements, it becomes dancing instead of just motion. 

That's where I'm at right now in my life.  

Trying to find Him and be moved by the music of His Spirit filling me, moving me, empowering me.  I spend most days in a frantic state of cleaning, potty training, rocking, coaxing, soothing, feeding, and playing hockey with a bundle of insane energy. [Oh.  And there's Toby and all his needs as well].  But in the midst of the clicking clock, the routine of life's everyday demands, I need His music.  I need reasons behind the reasons.  I need His love, His joy, His peace, His patience, His strength, His light 'thump, thump, thumping' in my ear.  Without that rhythm nothing I do really has meaning or makes any sense.  It's just flailing.  Motion. It's just another day.  It's just another trip to the potty.  It's just another snack-time, nose-wipe time, floor cleaning time.  Man do I ever need that music when I'm not sure I can carry myself another step.

Lord, how I need your presence within and around me or else dancing just makes no sense.