So we arrived at the ultrasound appointment and by this point, my heart is racing, I'm emotional and nauseated. I woke up in the night and could hardly sleep. Is the baby healthy? Is the baby growing okay? Is this going to be a girl? A boy? What does the future hold for this family?
I was trying any and every means of preparing myself to NOT be disappointed. Why would I be disappointed? "If we had three boys, that would be fine." (I kept telling myself) I was quizzing Jason on the way, "Tell me all the fun adventures we could have with three boys..." But I was mainly trying to convince my emotions to not get too intoxicated with the idea of having a girl.
All along in this pregnancy I've been feeling like it's different. "It must be a girl," I'd tell myself. I'm heavier, sooner. I'm more nauseated. I'm more emotional. But online quizzes were only leaving me perplexed and frustrated...oh RIGHT, we can't predict these things (darn it).
Anyways, I digress.
As an extra blessing to us, my high-risk obstetrician gets to be in the ultrasound suite with us. Which, let me tell you, is amazing. He can point out different things along the way, "this is good, this here is blah blah blah" etc. The whole time he kept saying, "this baby has a cute profile! What an active baby! Look at all the things we are able to visualize." [All VERY encouraging and anxiety-alleviating].
And then there was a pause.
I'm watching the screen, and suspended mid-air. The doctor, knowing I'm a nurse, points out some parts on the screen? "What's that Shannon?"
"I DON'T KNOW," I practically screamed, not being willing to guess because really, who can actually tell what you are looking at on that screen?
"Shannon, it's a girl!"
My heart lept, tears were streaming down my face, and I must have asked him three or four times "are you sure?"
I promised myself I would be equally as excited and prepared to hear the news that it was going to be another boy, but there was a new emotion of sheer gratitude and joy in the knowledge that this family will embrace a little pixie with pink tights and tutus. Hold me back from shopping people, because this Mama has nothing pink! Insert "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
So thankful. So excited. So blessed. And so perplexed. What in the WORLD does it look like to have a girl? I mean, I have no idea! I feel like a foreigner already. "A whole new world" is buzzing in my head.
We celebrated with the boys later in true pink fashion (cupcakes) and Silas is already using the words "cute" and "pretty" more than he ever has. LOVE. THIS.