I forgot. I mean, I completely neglected to remember that early pregnancy nausea is the pits. I am literally hanging on by a thread, constantly wanting to hurl. What is with the female brain? How does one so conveniently not recall such challenging physical hardship? I even wrote down how nauseous I was with the previous two pregnancies but somehow I looked past it, "wouldn't it be nice to add to our family...?" Meanwhile, I am the walking dead. I'm tired as soon as I'm vertical, I'm practically sleep-walking. Then there's the need to eat constantly, trying to fight off the despair of the constant queasies.
And of course, the needs of our current family march onwards. Make dinner (gag). Clean out the fridge (gag). Stay in the bathroom for 10 minutes while two children stink up the place (gag). I have to run in and out of the kitchen so that I don't, heaven forbid, get a good whiff of the dirty dishes in the dishwasher or the garbage can. I was even found discarding perfectly good Tupperware into the trash because the mere thought of cleaning out the week old food in there and washing the dishes was enough to push me right over the edge.
This is insanity!
Take, for instance, a recent trip to Walmart We were in desperate need of shoes for Silas as his have all literally fallen apart at the seams. We also needed to buy some undies for Toby who has decided that this is the perfect time for potty training. The boys had got a little rambunctious in the grocery cart and had careened into each other and were both screaming, Jason and I got separated, each with one screaming child, and somehow managed to stay totally lost from each other for a good 10 minutes. What was I doing that whole time? Literally hanging onto random merchandise stands with my head between my arms trying not to throw up. I had to drag my sorry behind back and forth through the aisles, without resting Toby on my belly too long as the pressure alone made me sick, mentally screaming "I can't go on!"
Yes, my friends, when I'm pregnant I'm a real peach. It really agrees with me. I am a perfectly sane, beautiful, and glowing pregnant lady. Meanwhile, I haven't showered because staying upright for a full 5 minutes sounds overwhelming and my house is a mess of crumbs and laundry. Don't even ask me about shift work. It's. Not. Going. Well. So, other pregnant Moms- I'm a haggard shell of the real Shannon right alongside you. We'll get through it. And don't expect high things from me world, I have little to bring other than the occasional groan, and dry heave.
[A serious aside: for those women out there who are longing to be a Mom, or those who have lost a child, or who desperately wish they could have a family of their own, please don't see this post as insensitive. I bet each one of you would give your two good legs to feel nauseous because of being pregnant - forgive me for my above complaints. I am deeply grateful for God's generosity towards us and I do imagine what it would be like to not even be given the chance. I can't imagine the struggle you must face in reading a post like mine. I'm praying for peace in your circumstance, patience in your waiting, and for renewed hope.]
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