Family

A co-worker asked me yesterday, "do you like having a family, is it what you expected?" [Referring to having kids and and a husband, I imagine].  I was a little blown away by the question, or more the lack of my quick response.  I answered something completely inadequate like, "Of course I like it, it's hard, but it's good- you know, how the most worthwhile things are hardest?"

What?

When I was driving home, I was realizing that the hard stuff is often magnified in my eyes. It's in my nature to look for reasons to complain, which I admit, is my least attractive and my most ungodly trait.   I often have to work harder to see the 'good' and the 'joy' and the 'beauty' in the mundane, expected, daily things. 

I was wondering on my ride home, what would my life really look like if I didn't have a family?  If I had no loving husband, if I had no little children?  What if I were all alone?  Well, I am sure I would have more freedom, but is that really what I would want?  What would my life be like having never been loved so unconditionally and having the opportunity to love others so whole-heartedly?  I could have started to cry. What I should have said was:

My life would be lonely.  Who would I share the view with?  Journey with?  Who would I even be?  It would be like someone having only one leg their whole life and then gaining a second one.  Sure, you can manage on one leg, in fact you can be quite capable. You can enjoy life, there is no question.  But with two legs you can walk, you can run.  Suddenly, there is a fullness that you never knew was missing.  Having a loving family is a gift.  Imagine a life without a loving family and I'll tell you what you'll find: brokenness, pain, sorrow, loss, suffering, fear, loneliness, insecurity, and vulnerability. 

Interestingly, I came home to an empty house.  The boys were out together and the house was still.  It was dark.  It was quiet.  Most days I crave all of the above, "just give me 5 minutes alone!"  But today, the quietness only confirmed that the true beauty in my life is love.  My relationship with the author of love Himself, and His gifts to me in the people He has given me to love and be loved by.  The world around me tells me that experiences are the most important- what you see, what you do, what you accomplish, where you go. But that's simply not true.  It's relationships.  It's love.

I love so many things about my family that I could fill books, not simply webpages, about them: my boys' cheeks, which I can hardly stop myself from kissing all the time.  The sound of the door cracking open at 5 pm and my husband's loving arms around me after a full work day.  Laughter and giggles.  The sound of my boys high-pitched voices on the phone.  My husband's tender looks and touch.  Little hands, little feet.  Sleeping faces on drool-covered pillows.  I cannot describe the beauty in these things.  There is an ache in my heart even imagining for a second, being separated from these people I love. I need them in a way I never knew I could.  The sound of stampeding feet when I walk through the door after work, eyes sparkling and smiles breaking at the idea of a cookie.  I could go on, and on.  And I haven't even mentioned my parents, my siblings, and all the blessed family I call it a privilege to be part of.

It's absolutely wasteful to spend another day not appreciating the beauty that I am drenched in.  My family is not what I expected, but it's so much more.  It's beautiful.  It's valuable.  My husband, my boys, they are weaved into every fibre of my life and heart and for them to not be there would rip me apart.  

So, on this family day, I will stop and just see.  See the beauty.  I will stop looking at crumbs, loud noises, and interruptions as hiccups to the life I really want to live and instead gaze upon the gifts I have been given. They fill up my world and I see things I would have missed so easily without them.  Thank you God for family and for the ways we are all meant to fit together.

[By the way, for those who are waiting for a family, for those who are yearning for a family, who dream of one, please oh please, I hope I am not stabbing your already bleeding wound.  Or for those of you who are perfectly content and happy living a single and independent life- your life is by no means meaningless - I am not implying that at all.  I am simply reflecting on how I should appreciate, as we all should, what is right in front of me.  I just want to express gratitude for what has been given me and become more present in my own life.  Whoever your family is, whether it's your siblings or parents, or grand-parents, or an aunt or whoever, may we all appreciate more how their love and lives have impacted us].