Now, I might not be objective. I might just have a large protruding mass at my midsection, making the whole carseat production more difficult. But the whole routine of getting children in and out of carseats is going to make me mental. I mean I might soon begin gnashing my teeth, throwing myself on the ground, and having a full-on toddler-tantrum FIT over the stupid blasted things.
Case in point: this morning looked like this:
Get children ready to go so I could take Silas to preschool. [This fun production could last upwards of 20 minutes if you include potty, socks, shoes, coats, getting them to the vehicle etc]. Both boys in carseats to get to preschool. Take them both out at preschool. Wait for 20 minutes because we are going on a 'fun' field trip today. Put them back in the car. Drive to library (which we live 2 minutes away from, by the way).Take them both out of the car. Toby pees his pants. Into the library for storytime, change Toby's pants, back into their carseats to go back to preschool. Take Silas out of his carseat to bring him to his class. Drive to a meeting I have, take Toby out of carseat. Toby poops and pees his pants. Excellent. Change him, back in car seat. Back to preschool where I have to put Silas back into the car. Drive to grocery story to pick up some veggies (part 1 of today's grocery shopping, oh joy). Take both boys out. Shop. Put both boys back in. Get home, take both boys out AGAIN and see that Toby has yet again peed in his carseat.
20 times. Yes, that's right, I counted. I had to take a child IN or OUT of the car 20 times and it is only 12:30 pm.
Okay, now looking at the above....is it any wonder that we are stressed, frustrated and harried in our culture? Every single stinkin' time we go somewhere the whole process of getting kids in and out of their carseats makes me want to spit. I can be heard saying any number of the following each time:
"off the road Toby, we're getting in the car. Silas, climb in please. Silas, sit on your bum please- stop climbing around. No, it's not too tight. Stop wiggling. Toby, put the toy down because Mommy needs to buckle you in. No, it's not too tight."
I'm physically spent simply by putting my kids in the car. But, you know, it's practically criminal to not have a carseat, or to leave your child unattended in the car while you bring the other one into a building. Heaven forbid. I'm seriously considering hiring a 'child car-seat attendant' who I can page for just this one purpose. Or maybe Jason will build me a ramp. Or could there not just be an 'eject' button where the straps get disconnected and the child can simply climb out? There has GOT to be a solution here people.
More reasons to hate carseats:
1. They are insanely challenging to adjust. It's winter- we layer our children and sometimes we don't. Adjusting the straps is a freakin Jillian Michaels workout.
2. They expire. Huh?
3. They're heavy. Sweet Mother Russia they're heavy. Our Peg Perego infant seat with Silas was a beast. I'm surprised there aren't more lawsuits against car seat companies for the strain they put on our shoulders- couldn't there be a better situation for carrying them? Couldn't they be on wheels with a little extend-able handle (like, all of them) or have a built in robot for transportation purposes?
4. You have to take them on planes. What a gong show. You should see our luggage carts at the airport.
5. They cannot be cleaned easily. No wonder we need vaccinations- look at our carseats? Who knows what lives in those suckers- what with the crumbs and spills and incontinence remains. But it's like building something from ikea (without the instructions) to get those covers off. That's why we never clean them, by the way.
6. Children have to be in them, FOREVER. And by this, I mean my children. My children are tiny. Toby is just 22 lbs. (Seriously?) At this rate they will probably have to bring their carseats on their honeymoons.
I could go on.
Oh yes. But we love them because they keep our children 'safe.'
I have seen you expats in foreign countries with your kids attached in their wraps around your back, on MOTORBIKES. I envy you. I really, really do. If only, 'simplifying' was possible in our culture of rules and regulations. I wish the boys could just bounce around the backseat with helmets on and hope for the best. Or maybe we should just never go anywhere?
Heavy sigh.
In 2 months I will have another carseat. Lord help me.
Hi Shannon, my name is Heather. I love your blog! I have a quick question for you if you wouldn’t mind emailing me when you get a chance. Thanks!
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