How can one little child, 25 years my junior, throw me into so much confusion? He wants something, he doesn't want it. Happy and content then crying and frustrated. Screaming in my face then gently hugging me and giving me kisses. This bundle of TWO, namely Silas, is a walking contradiction. He needs me, he doesn't, he wants me to do it, he wants to do it himself. He seems to bounce off the walls and need to get out of the house but if we do too much in a day he's overstimulated, wailing, flailing and 2 feet of reckless emotions careening out of control. I am not so sure I'm enjoying this stage, or that Silas is. I try to focus on him, try to play with him, try to be consistent but this little man of mine is running up to the edge of boundaries we've set and keeps testing and testing. I am so exhausted at the end of the day and mainly it's because all I do is discipline, cajole, encourage, and manipulate [errr motivate] Silas to do all the same things we do. Every. Day. Oh man. I try to be creative and patient and to praise and love on him. But is he getting it? Does he get that I love him or does he think it rides on his performance? Does he get that if he does a. then he gets discipline b? Are we inconsistent? Are we terrible parents? Is he going to be wrecked for life by our terrible parenting?
before you start to think he's the only problem here, confession: I'm not perfect. A better question than the above: How can such a small child reveal so much sin in my own life? Impatience, anger, rage, conditional love. Who knew I was such a menace? I feel like some days I throw just as many tantrums as Silas does...
This stage has me concerned, frustrated, confused and well, not sure about this season. Toddler-hood is a rollercoaster of thrilling highs and frustrating, harrowing lows. Silas can be a chatty bundle of energy who bounces all over the house bringing life, curiosity, interest and excitement to all the dull corners. But, then the toddler ride takes us fast and furiously towards misunderstandings, tantrums and fits at breakneck speeds. How do I transition from being terrified of this rollercoaster ride to actually enjoying the thrill of it all?
Silas hasn't even been two for 2 weeks, how will we make it the next 50?
[Lord, help me not to screw him up too bad, or at least only in the fixable ways].