Monday, June 30, 2014


So, three months ago I had a baby.  Here we are.  I have to say, I am breathing a little easier.  The third month is sheer bliss compared to the Everest of the first weeks post-partum.  It doesn't matter if it's your first time or your 7th, I dunno, I feel like those first two months are HARD.  The baby arrives, you're relieved to not be pregnant, but you're hurting and limping and at the beginning of a marathon.  Rocking, holding, soothing, nursing, carrying, gah!  

Oh man, I do not miss the raw feeling of a newborn to my chest.  I realized today, that I only really 'wake up' to my baby at three months.  Maybe it's different for some of you.  But for me, I am so caught up in my own physical agony and just trying to get sleeping and nursing figured out that I don't even really see my child.  I mean, I see her, but I don't see her.  

But at 3 months, when I don't feel like I am just inches above the water, fighting not to drown, I am floating along and in a sea of three month old bliss.  Her eyes.  Her smile.  Her sweet coos.  She holds her head up.  I've figured out when she needs to nurse, when she needs to nap, when she needs to be held.  She goes to sleep on her own. And all of a sudden I'm feeling human again.  

Sigh.  I like it here.  Pre-teething, pre-finger feeding, post-nipple-trauma, post-c-section-recovery, pre-mobile, 3 month old baby bliss.  

Of course, there are still moments of insanity, but all of a sudden I see this little life and I am in awe.  I mean, you fit in me, just a few short months ago?  You were once just a wrinkly, noisy, little demanding thing and now you are this beautiful personality coming alive in my arms?  I haven't hurt you yet, I haven't yelled at you yet, I haven't had to say sorry yet, you haven't been are perfect and I wish we could stay floating along for awhile right here. 

So you and me, precious Fiona, we'll sail along together enjoying this lovely little season. I'll chat with you, you'll smile and coo with me, I'll meet your needs, and you'll be satisfied.  Don't change, k?  I'm not ready for the rapids, or the waves, or the fight to stay afloat again.  

Today, we'll just chat and sing together and let tomorrow and all it's changes worry about themselves, k sweet one?

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