There have been hidden things that I have been missing. Treasures, tucked behind everyday things.
I have been rushing and running, flustered and frantic, harried and worried, frustrated and angry and altogether too preoccupied to really see God's hand in my life. This has been my 'normal' for too long. I've missed how God is providing for me, protecting me, helping me, nurturing me, even as I am poured out for my children. His kindness has been all around me, and it's leading me to repentance.
I'm sorry for overlooking your generosity in my life, Lord.
But I've been paying attention lately. Maybe it's because I am desperate to see. I have been asking for joy in the everyday for the last 4 years but this cry has just gotten louder and louder over these past months. "Help me have joy today, God. Help me be present with my kids today, God. Help me control my anger and frustration, God. Be near to me, bring me life, help me not to miss my own life by rushing past it!"
And let me tell you, there have been hidden miracles. Moments every day where I am seeing the hand of God in my life. Grace. Hope. Truth. Love. When I lift my eyes up from the work in my hands, when I pick up my head to look past my self-sufficiency, I see Him:
An empty day ahead and a friend texts "hey, want to come over for a play-date?"
Giving away a meal, only to have a friend surprise me and come by with another one.
Having a disastrous walk home from an ambitious trip to Church and a friend arriving mysteriously to help drive some over-tired kids home.
An activity that keeps the kids more occupied than I expected.
A whispered, breathy secret in my ear from my toddler "I love you all day, Mommy."
A soft coo from my baby with a wide grin as I chat with her.
A curious question from my preschooler.
Beauty capturing my heart.
Shared meals, shared home, deeper connections with friends.
Grace for that tantrum, patience for that predicament, peace for an empty day on the calendar and rain outside.
Jesus, you are rescuing me from my own bad attitude. From my own ungratefulness. I want abundant life in You and I am finally seeing it spring forth. Moment, by moment, by moment, by moment. As I call, you answer. You bring life to the desert and I am so thankful. Today, I will choose again to see YOU in all the hidden places of the mundane. Your grace is sufficient.