11 month old

Do I really have an 11 month old?  It's strange.  I mean, I think the same way as I did when I was 16- still wear my highschool sweatpants, but here I am with a little boy.

I also feel torn.  I love being at home with Silas- it's more and more fun all the time.  But now I'm getting back in gear to return to work.  I also love my job: feeling productive and useful, able to use my head and heart.  I want to go back to nursing and look forward to being in the career I love, but am frustrated that I haven't developed anymore in my profession.  I realize my career is 'on hold' for having children but it's like I have one foot in both world.  However, I am ambitious and want to be the best at both.  The best mom I can be, the best nurse I can be.  But how can I be both?  They conflict.  Even being gone 5 hours from Silas today, seeing him shriek and get all excited to see me again made me feel sad that I won't be able to have full energy to devote to him.  But then being at work made me mad that I haven't taken any more classes or specialized etc.

Hmph.  What shall I do?  I wish I could just stay home for years and not return to work and endure the pressure of feeling like I'm not living up to my professional ideals.  But it's not feesible or practical for me.  Plus, I do think I would enjoy going back to work. Sigh.

I guess I have to think of this as a season.  Think of myself primarily as as a mom for this season, and think of my job as a means to an end.  And then later, one day, my career can take more focus.

That's besides the point of this post- Silas is almost 11 months!  Here are his latest achievements:

-still scooting along the floor on his bum instead of crawling (but he is very fast at it!)

-has sat up from being on his tummy a few times!

-loves rolling from back to tummy and does this in his crib a dozen times before falling asleep.  I peer in to check on him and I see his little eyes looking out the crib and he giggles.

-he can hold onto something while standing, but still, while walking, marches like a german soldier instead of taking proper steps

-I've weaned him to three feeds a day!  

-He's taking his sippy cup better

-eating quite well with solids, although most still end up on the floor.  He loves cheerios, crackers, toast strips and anything else in the carb family.  Also loves fruit.  In fact, he threw a fit the other day when we ran out of his baby food fruit!

-still soooo tiny.  17 lbs only and almost 11 months!  Crazy.  But he eats 4 solid food meals a day, takes water and juice, has snacks and breastfeeds.  There's no time left to feed him more than I feed him now!

-he sleeps generally 8 pm until 8 am and wakes up a few times here or there.  He used to wake up at 5:30 for a morning bfeed, but we're trying to wean him off of it (or just push the feed back) which he's been doing well.  The other day he went from 8 pm until 8 am without bfeeding!!!

-he loves loves loves hide and seek or 'find mommy' or 'find daddy' games.  Screeches and screams whenever he sees us again

-loves hiding under blankets, any sort of soft stuffy to grab hold of and drag around

-we've resurrected the 2 naps a day (yahoo!)

-has two cute teeth- which become lethal when he decides to bite you (which is becoming more often).

-Silas LOVES opening and closing anything.  He often locks us out of a room he's in by shutting the door and shuffling right up against it so we can't open it!  Loves opening cupboards and shutting them, same with the fridge (until, as is inevitable, he pinches his fingers in there...he'll learn one day!)

-he loves playing ball- rolling it back and forth with daddy, and destroying any towers Jason tries to build

-a new thing we're learning about Silas is that he's not a big group fan.  He gets a bit overwhelmed when people are all up in his grill, and starts to panic a little.  He needs to see one of us in a group setting or at least have some focused attention every few minutes

-he definitely plays strange a bit more...

-he doesn't like waking up from naps.  This is often when he needs mommy the most and is a bit cuddly.  Any strange face and he's not a happy camper

Wow.  It's cool in reflecting to realize that I know more about my son than I thought!

Here are some cute photos of him...looking forward to making some first Christmas memories with him!

showing off his two front teeth

tree shopping!

loves grass

'helping' mommy sort laundry

out tree hunting with us for Christmas

loves splashing at the pool! p.s. we didn't think he needed a life jacket in that shallow of water, just were trying it on to check the fit and take photos with it!

all 'caught up' in his favourite string

making a break for it

Waiting

Waiting.  Note to readers: brutal honesty ahead, beware.
Silas is 10 months.  For 10 months now I have endured every form of sleeplessness.  

Not getting to sleep, waking needlessly, not being able to get back to sleep once awakened.  I have been brave in some moments, mostly I have been impatient and frustrated.  I rely on medications to sleep, of which I am desperate to be released from.  I am waiting.  

Waiting for 'the rescue that is sure to come' but will that rescue be in the way that I hope?  Will rescue from the LORD mean deliverance from sleeplessness?  Will it be deliverance from fear?  Will it be strength to endure?  I am still waiting.  


Most often, I am afraid when I should not be, and worried when I know it bears no fruit.  How can I have the big family I always dreamed of if, with each child, I must endure the hell of sleeplessness of my own body's doing?  Again I ask the same questions 'how long, O Lord,' and 'why?'  


I take some comfort in others' sufferings.  Of course, not that they suffer, but that I am not alone.  And that in fact, I am very very blessed even with the limited sufferings I must face.  I've been reading a lot of war-time novels and I am overwhelmed.  Yes, with the loss of lives.  Yes, with the brutality.  But more often overwhelmed by the everyday, practical aspects of what people endured.  Did they sleep while bombs were overhead?  I'm reading about the siege of Sarajevo in the Bosnian war- 4 years?  4 YEARS people were trapped in this city, surrounded by ware and snipers, family members being shot daily.  Stuck in the city.  They must have asked 'how long' and 'why' too.  How did they endure?  HOW?  


So yes, my sleeplessness is a pathetic excuse for doubt or fear or worry.  I have so much.  This one verse I read is sticking to me, and 'sticking-it-to-me' in that I realize how poorly I am executing it:
Psalm 27:13 -14 "Yet I am confident that I WILL see the LORD's goodness while I am here in the land of the living.  Wait patiently for the LORD, be brave and courageous.  yes, wait patiently for the LORD."


hmm.  DO I have continued hope in the goodness of the Lord?  Am I waiting patiently for HIM and only Him (not just healing?)  Am I being patient in how I endure this trial?  Am I brave or courageous?  The dictionary says of patience: bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship,pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint,anger, or the like.


SO many others are waiting too.  I'm not alone in this.  Waiting- will their child survive this illness, will they ever get married, will they have the children they want to have, will they ever find their purpose, will they...  


Waiting is so hard.  But maybe, in the words of Brooke Fraser's song 


"When I can't feel You [God], I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear You [God], I know You still hear every word I pray
And i want You more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful"

Recipe Stories

I have recently started enjoying getting recipes online.  I also refer to some good, basic cookbooks.  However, I love love love stealing recipes from others.  By this I mean, eating something someone makes, asking 'can I have your recipe?' and copying the delightful gem down.  

Why?  

Because then my recipe book is a history of stories, of friendships, of places I've been and people I've met.  When I open my recipe book to pick something to make, it makes me smile and think of people and moments, together.  

I like that.

Take, for example, this crowd pleasing orange-chocolate-chip muffin recipe.  I added this one to my cookbook around 7 years ago.  The recipe owner?  She was a lovely, enthusiastic and passionate Quebecois gal.  I think she was going to be a doctor?  I dunno.  I don't even remember her name.  But I do remember her face, and her muffins of course.  I met her while living in Montreal and doing missions with Campus Crusade for Christ (now Power to Change).  I ate them.  I loved them.  Now I make them all the time.
Who ever thought to blend up WHOLE oranges to make delicious muffins?

Yum.

Orange Chocolate Chip Muffins

Put in blender:

1 whole orange (not mandarin, with skin on it and sticker removed)

½ cup margarine or soft butter

½ cup orange juice

½ cups sugar

Blend until Smooth

In separate bowl mix:

1 ½ cups flour

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

½ cup of chocolate chips (I always add more)

Mix wet ingredients with dry

Blend well

Divide evenly in muffin tins and bake at 400 F for 15 minutes

Makes exactly 12 muffins

Or take this lovely, delicious, spoon licking Butternut Squash Soup recipe.  Easy, delicious.  It was made for me by my darling (can older people be darling?) landlord.  She was our first landlord just after we got married.  She made us feel welcome and even left flowers in our suite to greet us after we arrived back from our honeymoon.  (Is that sweet or what?)  She had a lovely garden, and had us over for dinners.  This was one meal she made.  I always thought I could never make soup.  But, turns out, I can (with the right recipe).
Make it.  Please.  It's soooo good.

Butternut Squash soup:

Ingredients:

1 large or 2 medium butternut squash- peeled and chopped into cubes

1 onion, chopped

1 Gala apple, peeled cored and chopped

¼ cup of butter

900 ml of chicken broth

1 cup of whipping cream or sour cream

Dash of cinnamon, salt to taste

3 tbsp of maple syrup

 

Do all prep work (aka chopping)

Melt butter in a large pot - add apple and onion until softened

Add broth, cream, squash, dash of sage or other herb you want, cinnamon and salt

Bring to boil, cover, and then simmer for 20-25 minutes on low heat (until squash is soft)

Puree in blender (in small amounts) and blend until smooth 

Tip: wait until cooler so that the top doesn't blow off the blender

Add maple syrup

Enjoy!!! Oh so yummy, creamy, smooth, thick.

You can serve it with sour cream over top if you wish.

My whole recipe book is like this.  My homemade tortillas are from a honduran-born American missionary I met in Burkina Faso [you sound so exotic Flo!].  My favorite pasta recipe was scribbled on a 'Jus Booster' napkin - from my employer: a women who in mid-life became an entrepreneur.  My best curry recipe came from British expats in the desert country bordering Mali.  

I love people.  I love being in the kitchen.  And I love stories.  So, I like my recipe book being a meeting place of all these things I love.

What are some of your recipe stories?

26 'Happy Birthday' moments

26 years old.  Yikes?  or is it, Yay?  Not sure yet.  However, I chose to look over the day and share 26 'happy birthday moments' of Nov 5th: 
1. Waking up to find that Jason had let me sleep in
2. Taking a shopping spree trip with my mom a few days ago.  I bought some awesome, cheap, and very needed new clothes from RW & Co.
3. My brother stopping by for a visit.  I like him.
4. Receiving a starbucks drink from him, AND a gift card.  Spoiled.
5. Getting a starbucks card in the mail from my wonderful friend Andrea.
6. Having a free birthday starbucks drink [if you don't know about this, you should]...although, it was kind of a black market/under the table kind of deal.  I asked the lady if the drink would just come off my registered gift card for free- but she said "no, something should arrive in the mail."  But then she was like, "whatever.  Don't worry about it" and I didn't use my gift card.  Saweeeet. (but shady)
7. Driving home from getting a free starbucks drink and watching a neighbor's dog poop on my front lawn.  'Here's a birthday delivery for you!!'
8. Opening up my facebook to find that 24 people had already wished me a happy birthday!!!  How sweet is that?
9. Getting the rotary cloth/quilt cutter that I wanted from Jason.  Nice.
10. Random, but funny- received an invitation on my doorstep for a 'hanky-panky' party tonight at our townhouse complex community building.  We've been wanting to get involved in our neighborhood and get to know our neighbors ...but...ummm...er.....maybe that's not the best way?  But I laughed anyways.
11.  Silas was happy all morning.  Scooting around.  Flailing his arms and making all kinds of fun noises.  He's so cute!  Oh, and he gave me a few good morning/birthday kisses.  Oh so cute.
12-14.  Silas then decided he wasn't so happy.  I spent most of the afternoon trying to get him to nap while he cried his eyes out.  It stole a few of my 'happy birthday' moments.  grrr.  Didn't he get the memo that it was my birthday?
15. But then he fell asleep in my arms.  Twice.  Hasn't happened in months and I at least had a little wee happy moment- oh my precious, exasperating son.  
16. My dad took me out for a wonderful lunch at Wendels (my fav restaurant in fort langley) and I had a great smoothie and panini!
17. I got a lovely lululemon wrap from my dad- way to go Dad- good taste!
18.  I also received some novels from my favourite author- Francine Rivers- thanks Sally!
19. After a horrendous and frustrating afternoon, my Mom came to the rescue and came to babysit Silas so J and I could go out.  I was thinking we'd have to cancel the evening cause I was so distraught.  However, she told us to go anyways.  Thankfully, I listened.
20. I got to dress up in some new clothes and felt 26 and stylish for a change.  
21. Went out for dinner with fun friends who made me laugh the moment I got to the restaurant.  I needed laughter at that point. 
22.  Had a bellini.  That was nice.  However, this was after a very confused waitress kept misunderstanding what I ordered.  Then, in my over-eagerness to take a sip, I spilled the bellini on my lap. That was a good moment too.
23. Ate lots of delicious carbs- had some amazing tortellini at Palliotis.  Oh, I got a free dessert- with an awkward happy birthday song from the waitresses.  AND got to use a coupon to make the meal cheaper.  I like coupons.
24. Got home to find that Silas was happy as a clam.  Way to go Mom!  He settled for the evening thanks to Jason's fine daddy-ness.  And finally I could sit down and watch the next, crazy episode of Private Practice.  
25. I get a continuation of my birthday today by going on a hike (if the weather holds out) and going to Porter's coffeehouse with friends- something I've wanted to do for a long time.
26. I got to finish my incredible novel, Sarah's Key.  Incredibly sad, but such a good read.


At the end of the day I am thankful for my wonderful husband, an incredible and healthy son, a roof over my head, food in my belly, an amazing Lord, and I am very thankful that He has allowed me 26 years on this earth.  


That was my birthday.

Halloween and Pumpkin Baking

So, our neighbors across the street from us do a HUGE halloween 'thing.'  (aka haunted house).  They've been putting it up for about a month.  Styrofoam skulls, bbq'd hands, mechanized dudes who pull their heads off and rip their chests open.  Gruesome to say the least.  It even made front page of our local paper and you can see a video of it.

J and I were trying to figure out what to do.

As believers we don't like the focus on death and horror and fear.  Obviously.  However, these neighbors are also the nicest neighbors around.  They care about the community, they clean up the townhouse complex, and they do this halloween stuff to create opportunity to meet neighbors.

Hmmm.  What should our response be?

As Christians, this is a highly controversial subject.  Our response is often (from Tim Keller's talk below)

1. Hide from the culture.  It's bad. Stay away.  Ignore halloween, turn off the lights, have our own Christian harvest parties [We should back out of culture, we can't transform society so let's have our own little Christian culture]

2. Love and embrace the culture.  Send the kids out anyways.  [Let's be relevant as Christians, which can be dangerous]

3. Hate the culture- and respond by sending out tracts etc. [Being defensive against culture]

We weren't sure that we liked any of those options.  

We obviously don't like the reason for this holiday and most of the decorations around it, however, it's the first time people surface from their homes and get out in the neighborhood.  

Hmmm.

Enter: prayer.  And option 4:

4. Be in culture and serve within it.  

We're still not sure what our response should be but we wanted to: not burn bridges with our neighbors, enter into the conversation around this cultural event, offer an alternative to 'death and gruesomeness' by highlighting harvest, light, and family-friendly fun.

SO, we hosted our lifegroup who helped us carve a bunch of pumpkins.  We wanted to have an alternative option to look at for young kiddies and families.  We were out and about, talked to neighbors, created relationship opportunities (so didn't hide away) but tried to work on transforming the culture. 

yikes.  We need to plan a bit better next year and keep praying to figure out what to do, but we love what Tim Keller has to say about allowing Christ, through us, to transform culture instead of embracing it, rejecting it, or using it.  (If you want, start at 10 min into the talk, he talks about our responses to culture- really good).

This whole conversation had us think a lot though.  WE should be serving and loving our neighbors MORE than anyone.  Are we doing that?  Not just in response to halloween, but on a regular basis?

End of deep discussion.

Pictures from our carving party:

Pumpkin chocolate chip brownies

Chocolate Pumpkin Whoopie Pies

and

Chocolate/Peanut Butter fudge Rice Krispies from Joy the Baker

yum.

Jeana- teaching us how to carve.

Jason hard at work.

Jeana's a pro-star carver.

Other members of our bible study- Heidi, and the Macphails.  

Pumpkin remains.

Here are our happy pumpkins!  Blues clues, veggie tales, flowers, etc.

Mickey!

Enter into the discussion.  How should Christians respond or how DID you respond to halloween this year?

Photography

Experimenting with edits etc.

Mommy Stuff

This post is mainly to ask a few questions of other moms.  I realize I learn best from others that I trust and love (rather than online searching) so I'm wondering about a few things.  Please feel free to respond to my post by messages at the bottom or through facebook/e-mail.  


First though, a few precious mommy moments:
1. Silas knows how to kiss now!  And by kiss, I mean, that he dives towards my mouth with a wide open, drooly, sticky wide mouth and, well, it's sooo icky and cute all at the same time.
2. Silas is still 'crawling' and now will crawl up to my feet and grab my feet to get me to pick him up.  Precious.


For the questions:
1. How did you wean your babe off breastfeeding?  Silas is 9 months, eating well and lots, but still breastfeeds 4-5 times a day.  He refuses to take formula from me instead of breastfeeding, and still doesn't drink tons of water.  He has the smallest breastfeeds (except the first one of the day and last one at night) but how do I wean him down?  I want to have him weaned by a year, so I have some time, but I'm curious how everyone else did it.  Oh, and how often did you breastfeed at this age?


2. How do y'all spend your time during the day?  Do you spend focused time reading with your little one and 'teaching', doing chores, getting out, etc.  What DO other moms do with themselves- at home all the time?


3. Anyone else try sign language?  We've been reinforcing a few words for a few months without any signing back to us.  Any tricks to help teach kids sign language- and know when they start to sign back?

4.  Ummm. I had another question.  Totally forget.  Darn it!  Mommy brain.


5. In liu of question 4, any handy/yummy foods you made for your kid at 9 months of age?  


All for now!
Thanks fellow moms!

Did I really just say that?

Yesterday:
"Yeah, I continue to ask God that if I haven't learned everything I need to learn from this season of suffering with insomnia, then I want Him to continue it..."  [me]


Last night:
12 am....2 am....4 am.....6 am...
sleepless.  One of the worst nights in a few months.  This after a victory of finally 'stopping' taking my sleeping pills and thinking that the worst of this insomnia is over and I'm recovering. [ugh]


Today:
Discouragement.  Despair.  Desperation.  A weeping puddle of mush.  
[I guess I'm not done Lord.  I guess there's still work to be done.  I guess this season hasn't brought forth all the fruit you want.  Here I am again.  Undone.] 


My thoughts rested on the Israelites today.  Freed from slavery by the very hand of God!  Running free from Egypt with plunder and nothing but hope and excitement for what the future held!  And then, to hit the Red Sea and see the Egyptians coming after them.   I can just see their faces (reflected in my own mirror) "I thought this would be easy now!  I thought we were through with captivity.  Why would you rescue us only to have us be destroyed by the Egyptians after all??"  Duh.  God is able.  To deliver.  From captivity and pharoahs, and troops and chariots, and charioteers, and rivers...


I love what Moses said.  I felt like they were words to me:
"Don't be afraid.  Just stand still and watch the LORD rescue you today.  The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again.  The LORD himself will fight FOR you- just stay calm." Exodus 14:13


Breathe.  Stay calm.  Trust.  Believe.  I feel like parenting myself "HOLD STILL child.  Relax. Stay calm."   How quickly I am prone to emotion, to fear, to doubt, despair, discouragement.  My hope cannot rest in my circumstances changing.  They have to rest in my God who is unchanging and His ability to give me the strength for today and each day.


grrr.  I'm eating my yesterday words.

9 Months Baby!

It just dawned on me this morning that Silas turned 9 months yesterday!  
I don't know how much you can predict about a child's personality by this point, but here is what we DO know about Silas:
he's a ham.  Loves people and is always smiling and giggling at them.  I think he's a socialite and loves being in the centre of attention.
he's a fidgety little monkey.  He cannot sit still- ever.  He can be focused sometimes if he wants to figure something out but he mainly is wiggling, jumping, and moving all over- even while being held.  (Yup, he's a Jason and Shannon baby!)
he is easily frustrated.  He still is not crawling, and he gets super frustrated when he cannot reach a toy he wants.  He puts his head in the carpet and whines.  Poor guy.  He wants to master skills and gets mad when it doesn't come easily to him.
However, in light of the above statement- he's very smart.  He finds ways around his inabilities and instead of crawling to a toy, he'll use other toys to get to it, or if the toy is on a blanket, he'll put the blanket closer so he can grab the toy.  Sneaky!
he is quite coordinated.  Whether it's splashing crazily in the tub, playing the piano with mom, sitting alone, grabbing tiny cheerios or his mommy's hair with his pincer grasp, or passing a ball back and forth with daddy, he is quite competent with the motor skills he does have.
he is a chatterbox.  He grunts, rolls his rrrr's, blows bubbles with his tongue, makes dada and mama and all kinds of funny sounds.  He's really just chatting constantly.  He wakes up chatting, goes to sleep chatting...  
he is very strong.  His kicks hurt.  A lot.  AND he has a strong will to go with it.  (this should be fun).
he is generally happy.  or, at least that's the impression most people get of him!
he has the cutest cheeks in the entire world.  I cannot help but kiss them. A lot.
and he is hysterically funny.  J and I laugh all the time.  His expressions, wookie sound effects, his curiosity, and the way he laughs about the weirdest things- are great.  We LOVE making him laugh.Here's some pictures of our favourite little 9 month old:

his new walker.  he mainly plays with it while sitting on the floor so far.

Loves leaves, pointing with his pointy-finger, going for walks in the stroller, and his soother.

I just love this picture.  This is what Silas does while I'm in the shower.

At the pumpkin patch:

Another favourite activity: playing with grass.

Silas can clap now!  He also sometimes can give a high five when prompted.

CRACKER!

Silas loves his cheerios.   Actually, he loves his food in general.  Despite packing in 4 large meals a day, a couple snacks, and 4-5 drinks of milk, he still barely gains weight!  (Just like his dad)

Silas' favourite toy: string.  Yup.  LOVES it.

Another string picture.  He loves being carried in his backpack carrier