I didn't intend to write a post today but re-reading old journals of mine made me want to write. Some of the prayers I uttered not long ago are still upon my lips.
"Change me, renew me, revive me, refine me, use me, make me more like Jesus..." I have started to realize that this journey of motherhood is not a detour off the road to where I'm going, it is not an accidental path. It is the very road on which God placed me to answer all my prayers.
He intended me to be a Mother so that I could learn the very lessons I have been longing to learn. The question is, now that my prayer is being answered, am I still willing to surrender? Am I willing to do the work? Be worked upon? I am finding myself increasingly helpless and dependent.
Hands up, head down, knees bent I am a toddler in need of discipline and care as I learn to raise my children. The demands of motherhood are like a river. I am a stone.
The river's current flows unrelenting, over and around me, smashing all my rough edges. I am worn down by it, smoothed over, worked on and banged up by the constant flow. It never ends. Its weight and worth are heavy. I cannot bend, I must break down. I must submit to it because I am already wholly submersed.
The old me is being rubbed away so that I can be smooth in His hands. I want this but I don't. I want to be more gracious, more compassionate and loving, more patient, more self controlled but the change is painful and slow.
All the things I want for my heart come by submitting. I need to stop seeing the process as the enemy. It's an answer to prayer. The pain, the inconveniences, the anxieties, the difficulties... scraped knees, bleeding lips, puke on clean laundry, irregular schedules, tantrums, and all that each day brings is God's provision for the very change I long for. "Being confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it out to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6 (my life verse). Oh that I would embrace the opportunities for growth and change.
"Change me, renew me, revive me, refine me, use me, make me more like Jesus..." I have started to realize that this journey of motherhood is not a detour off the road to where I'm going, it is not an accidental path. It is the very road on which God placed me to answer all my prayers.
He intended me to be a Mother so that I could learn the very lessons I have been longing to learn. The question is, now that my prayer is being answered, am I still willing to surrender? Am I willing to do the work? Be worked upon? I am finding myself increasingly helpless and dependent.
Hands up, head down, knees bent I am a toddler in need of discipline and care as I learn to raise my children. The demands of motherhood are like a river. I am a stone.
The river's current flows unrelenting, over and around me, smashing all my rough edges. I am worn down by it, smoothed over, worked on and banged up by the constant flow. It never ends. Its weight and worth are heavy. I cannot bend, I must break down. I must submit to it because I am already wholly submersed.
The old me is being rubbed away so that I can be smooth in His hands. I want this but I don't. I want to be more gracious, more compassionate and loving, more patient, more self controlled but the change is painful and slow.
All the things I want for my heart come by submitting. I need to stop seeing the process as the enemy. It's an answer to prayer. The pain, the inconveniences, the anxieties, the difficulties... scraped knees, bleeding lips, puke on clean laundry, irregular schedules, tantrums, and all that each day brings is God's provision for the very change I long for. "Being confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it out to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6 (my life verse). Oh that I would embrace the opportunities for growth and change.
Toby is awake an hour before he 'should' be. End of blog post. The river rages another day.
